Some Days

Some days I have a hard time... a really hard time.  Yesterday was one of those days. I can't help thinking that some strange world has merged with mine and reality seems almost like something from Star Trek.  I used to think everything in my world was beautiful and good and how could anything go wrong. I realize now that things can go very wrong in the blink of an eye.

I get up each morning and I automatically put my hand out to feel.... air. It is a lonely world I am living in these days.  I liked this painting this morning because it makes me feel better knowing that for every old sock there is an old shoe... and hopefully that is the case for me. Hopefully I won't always be this lonely. It is the loneliness that makes you stupid... it is the loneliness that draws you to the flame.

Yesterday the movers did their assessment of all that I want to take with me. Based on my list and the growing pile in the sunroom it will not be cheap. Today I will get the results of their pricing and depending on what they come back with I will have to start axing more stuff as needs be. Two days ago I, silly girl that I am, put out a PSA for some things that we have decided to sell... I got a really good response.... better than I was expecting. So much so that I was crazy busy for the whole day. I had to take apart and put back together the old futon couch and while I was working on it I ended up screwing up my back. I very quickly decided not to take chances anymore and took some meds yesterday. I cannot afford to get a really bad back now. There's too much at stake. Today I will be packing up the deck and although the wind chimes are something that I love like you wouldn't believe... I will not be taking them with me. They were a wedding gift... they will stay with Sir Arsewipe. I don't think I could handle listening to them but then I might change my mind.

I also have a plan to paint the upholstery of my big armchair... the one that I have used for years in front of the computer. I know that sounds weird but I have done quite a bit of research on this and have seen it done quite successfully. The chair is a good chair and a very comfortable chair... a few years ago when I got sick of Sir Arsewipe's pointless and unthoughtful gifts to me for special occasions I decided to buy myself a rocking chair for my birthday. I searched for the right one and came across a fairly inexpensive chair that was like a wing back but with rockers instead of legs. I love it but as the years have gone by I have noticed it deteriorating in looks because of the usual wear and tear on the fabric. It looks old and dirty now but still not showing any sign of rips or tears. So I will paint it. Apparently it is supposed to give it a leathery kind of look when painted. I hope it turns out ok because I would hate to leave my old chair behind.

Today I am waiting also for the results of the buyers inspection. The day that I put out the PSA to sell all of the unwanted and more importantly unneeded items, was also the day of the official inspection on the house here. We will see if they are happy with everything or if they will require further changes. Hopefully not. That worries me. You see I have been so focused on getting on with my life that I have forgotten to look over my shoulder and watch for danger creeping up behind me. Anything could twist things up and make life an unalterable hell for me at this point.  So I sit in limbo for a few more days and wait for Sir Arsewipe to get the renos finished so that the financing will be approved on the house and we can move on with our lives. I just know that it is not healthy for me to stay here. I need to have a new setting so that I can put the whole hell that my life has turned into behind me.

Pray... really hard... I need all the help I can get.

Love the blues and greens of this painting... so peaceful.