Easy Come, Easy Go, Walk On

Love this pic and I had forgotten how easy it is to get Lupins to grow in Nfld... there is a fence that looks like it needs some help on the property that I hope to buy... so maybe I will have the fence pulled out and plant a whole hedge of Lupins....that would be lovely.

I have been surfing a little this morning trying to find a little inspiration for this morning's post. We are down to the wire now trying to get things finished on the last vestiges of the renovation in time to meet the requirements of our agreement with our buyers. Daily, Sir Arsewipe is trying to get things finished as I pack and sort and go through things. I am starting today on the shed and all things fleecy. There will be a fair bit I suspect that will be chucked and then there will be some that I sell and then I will probably send a lot to Nfld for the time when I am able to get it processed and then I will spin it in the future I guess. So I don't have lots of time to get creative here but I do like to post still each day if I can. I saw this picture this morning and thought how nice the Lupins are and then I remembered how easy it is to get Lupins to grow in Nfld... I just have to try to have a hedge of Lupins around my house if I can... I can just imagine the bumble bees I would attract and how good it would be for polination... something that needs all the help it can get these days.


Things seem to be coming together in the last few days nicely but a lot stems on the fact that Sir Arsewipe is down to the hour when the renos need to be finished and there is still far more to be done than I like to admit to.  But we'll get it done supposing that I have to step in and help... that is one of the jobs I am contemplating today. Then, as in all things that we have done in our marriage (except for the adultery), we will work on the sorting and packing, together (yuck)... Getting it done will happen come hell or high water.

The other day I had to go to FSJ for the Fairways Divorce Solutions next installment in our path through the big "D" which was the "What Is The Law Seminar"  we were late finishing up and Daughter #1 and I went to my friend's house for dinner (which was lovey by the way)! We never left her house till 9 p.m. and headed home with thunder all around threatening.... as I got to the turn off for the HH road the lightning was horendous but I could see that the direction in which I was going looked to be clearer. I drove along enjoying the spectacular bolts of lightning streaking across the sky. There is a point at which you enter the Peace Valley and it is called the Bear Flats hill where there are cut backs and one of the most twisting roads down the side of a hill that I have ever seen. It is about 6 kilometres from top to bottom. When you get to the top of the hill there is a beautiful panoramic view of the valley with the rocky mountains in the distance and it has never failed to inspire and provoke feelings of amazement. This time it did not fail in that department for sure.  I stopped at the top of the hill and looked out over the valley and the sun was setting ahead of us. The sky was painted with gold at the horizon and pinks above and the purples above that. The gold of the last bits of sunlight was suffusing the valley and gave it a halo that turned the hay and canola fields to pinkish golden hue. Directly behind me were the black and purple storm clouds with sharp silver bolts of lightning streaking across the sky every so often. Directly over my head was the most spectacular and defined rainbow that I have ever seen. I couldn't believe how God could paint the sky with so many different colours at one time. It was as if he was giving me a good bye gift. There was the river snaking off to the mountains in the west and all this beautiful colour above my head. It entered my soul and I had to thank God for giving me such a beautiful opportunity to see this valley one last time in all its glory. And it was glorious. I did manage to snap a couple of pics but I am afraid that they just did not do it justice...

As I was surfing the web this morning, I thought about that moment when I was looking at the valley below me and I thought about the Site C dam and I thought that perhaps I might never see this valley again... I certainly would never see it as it is now.  I am pretty sure that next time, (if there is one), when I come to visit there will be a lake instead of a river.  I also came across a blog that was written by an expat Nflder that caught my interest because the woman who writes it uses as her mantra the title of the post I am writing today. I am not sure that "it" is easy come and easy go... I am thinking that it is more hard come and hard go... but the walk on part is right.... sometimes you have no other choice. So, "walk on one step at a time, one day at a time" is a better mantra for me. I just wish I could add to it a more positive spin... maybe chin up should be part of it too.

Life is normalizing. I do still have moments when I think about the love I had for that man... the love I gave him freely and the devotion I felt to our lives together and I feel very sad... and I cry. I also feel anger that he could throw it all away so easily and cast me out onto this stormy sea that I am drifting in with no anchor. I look at him and I see him standing on a safe shore while I know not where the tides and currents will take me, and I feel so resentful that he could do something so bad and suffer so little. He will come out of this just fine with his new love and his job and life intact... and so will I hopefully... but it seems as though all the outcomes lean in his favor. It is not fair, but then life is not fair... or just... it just is. It is a bitter pill to swallow... but swallow it I must.

I will end here... and think no more of this pill that sticks in my craw. Instead I will focus on that beautiful sky of the other night and the future to come and I will, as always, hope for the best... Perhaps my boat will drift to a calmer and better shore...