Bread... The Root Of All Evil...(or maybe it's really is just Sir Arsewipe)

For the last number of years I have noticed that my health has been going downhill. At first I wasn't quite sure what was going on and I took to my bed many days for hours on end to try to get enough rest to help me. But as time progressed I realized that there was more going on than just normal aging... so I started trying different things that might help me get better. Mostly it was home remedies because the doctors checked me for everything under the sun and couldn't figure it out either. The main symptom was fatigue. I was tremendously tired all the time. I did go through a couple of years when I would have dreadful ear and balance issues but that seems to have sorted itself. Last year when I went to Olds I had the fear of God in me because I couldn't walk to the Land Sciences building without having to stop and sit and take a break on the way there it was a  mere 3/4 of a kilometre. My weight had been increasing over the last few years and I didn't seem to be able to get that under control either. After I got back from Olds last year I knew I had to get really serious about finding out what was going on with me. I went to the Doctor because I knew there was a family history of blood pressure and heart problems. It was while I was in the office seeing the doctor that he mentioned to me that my last lot of blood tests had revealed that I was anemic. No wonder I was so tired all the time! No body had thought to inform me since I was only borderline anemic and he wasn't concerned because with an iron supplement I would be as right as rain in no time at all. Wrong! I started to take the iron supplement and I did notice a difference but I was still tired all the time and I was starting to notice other symptoms that would leave me feeling wasted all the time... I won't go into them because they are a little too gruesome and personal to mention.

All the time this was happening I was so tired that I never noticed that Sir Arsewipe was beginning his emotional departure from me.

I carried on through the winter having blood test after blood test and then they started to send me for more serious tests... everything in my body seemed to be shutting down on me. Let me tell you I was scared.

The week that Sir Arsewipe was in Comox for the PHASE training (he was there with his girlfriend) in January, I had one of the worst weeks I have ever put in in my life. I had severe pain in my lower left side and some pain in my lower right side and I was starting to think that I might have cancer.  Fear reigned supreme. Nightly, I would want to talk to my husband but the cell service was not all that great. In hind sight, I have to wonder just how true that was or if he was blowing me off for his girlfriend, (staring at her while she lay on her bed.. apparently he has pictures). I really needed my soul mate to talk to, but I wasn't getting much support.

Finally he was home and I went for the ultrasound they also sent me for a soft tissue cat scan. Both tests went well and nothing came back from them which confirmed that there was likely no cancer. That alone was a real relief.

Along about that time I had one of the ladies from the spinners and weavers guild come for lunch and she told me that my symptoms were very similar to hers... You see she has Celiacs Disease. Celiac's Disease is when your body cannot deal with the gluten that is found in wheat. I thought it was so strange that her symptoms and mine were so close. I went to my doctor once again and talked to him about the possibility of having Celiacs disease. He once again sent me for blood tests. Meanwhile I was having a hard time dealing with food...  some days were good and some days were not so much. By  this time we were well into spring and I was working very hard on the level 5 homework trying to spin some days 12 hours while all I wanted to do was put my head down and sleep. My body was telling me that I was very sick but I didn't know what I was sick with. I waited for the results to come back from the tests and since the tests had to go to Vancouver I knew that it would take a while. I decided to try living without bread in my life and cutting out wheat as much as possible. Also through the winter I had been noticing that I had been having yeast outbreaks in the weirdest of places like in the fold of my elbow and behind my knees. Very strange. I started making breakfast for Sir Arsewipe and the girls and then getting a different breakfast for me after they were gone to school, one that did not involve wheat. I started making hash browns each morning instead of eating toast. I would eat rice and rice crackers instead of having a sandwich and I began to eat more salads and I also decided to cut out eating cheese as much as I could. I was still taking iron but I was so tired that I felt that maybe I should be taking more iron. I upped my dose of iron just slightly and it was after I did all those things that I began to notice a difference.

The doctor finally called with the results of my tests and said that there was no Celiacs disease...

We had no idea what was going on and we still don't but taking wheat out of my diet has had amazing effects on me. My friend has told me that there is a lot of Celiacs disease in her family and she has never been diagnosed with it either because in order to get a positive diagnoses you have to eat wheat and it makes her very sick. She has decided to learn as much about the disease and self regulate her diet accordingly. The other day I had wheat again for the first time in a long time... I had a begel burger the other night and then because I hadn't made a pizza for months I thought the next night I would make pizza. Not good. Yesterday I felt so bad... worse than I have felt in a long time. The wheat in the begel and the wheat in the crust of the pizza did it worst and in the morning I wanted to curl up in a ball and not move... once again I was having pain in my right side and severe pain in my left side. So as far as I'm concerned wheat is very much a culprit to my ill health. In addition to that the three months where I was virtually wheat free I noticed that I didn't have one yeast outbreak anywhere on my body.... that says it all as far as I'm concerned. I might not be clinically diagnosed as having Celiacs disease but I obviously have a serious sensitivity to wheat and gluten.

Through it all I was so tired. This summer I have noticed a marked difference in the fatigue as well. I have had more energy than at any time for the last year at least. Even at Olds I felt better... I would walk to class each morning and not worry a fig about having to stop to rest or catch my breath.

One of the sad things about all of this is the fact that Sir Arsewipe has had no patience for any of my ills. He has made no bones about the fact that it didn't matter to him that I felt gross. I have tried talking to him about the fact that I was ill and that was part of the reason that I had not lived up to his expectations. He does not understand and probably never will since he has never had tolerance for illness at all. It had only been the last few months that I have looked back over our twenty years of marriage and realized that. I remember years ago having a conversation about suicide and he told me that suicidal people were weak... I always was horrified by him saying that because suicides are not caused by weakness but by illness. I also remember that he said that if ever he became a paraplegic he would rather not be alive... I could never understand that because many paraplegics have very fulfilling and outstanding lives. He also told me that he never wanted to be blind... I realize now that this is a serious flaw in his personality and shows a marked lack of consideration for those less fortunate than he. Sometimes I wonder why he married me since I am missing the thumb on my right hand and I have a steel rod and 15 spinal fusions in my back.  I know that he has had serious issues with his back problems and hates the fact that he has this weakness. I think he thinks he should be perfection itself... (snork, double snork, and some more serious snorking).

Over the winter you perhaps will remember that Dad was so ill right after Christmas. Each night during his illness I would go to their house and make sure that dad was as comfortable as I could make him and Sir Arsewipe would come with me because some nights dad would need help being lifted and aided to the bathroom.  It was only after we split up that I discovered that Sir Arsewipe had had no tolerance for his own father-in-law and the whole illness. The whole time he was helping he was putting on one face to us and saying other things to his chit... He said, "I've been helping to care for my wife's parents." She says... "why what's up with them?" He says, "She's in early Altzeimers and he is with more ailments than you can shake a drug store at." She says, "o wow lucky you." and he says, "At least he's not bed ridden anymore."  More and more I have realized that Sir Arsewipe's empathy is superficial at best.  He is only concerned about others weaknesses in so far that it does not inconvenience him.  I realize too that the reason that he fell out of love for me was because he has never really known what it is to feel real love... real love is sticking with someone through thick and thin... in sickness and in health... these words from our marriage vows come back to haunt me.

He really is the worst kind of despicable. Sad really... I thought he was such a good person and more and more I've found out just how not good he actually is.

He had no tolerance for my ill health, it was just one more nail in the coffin. Eventually, I discovered what was wrong with me but by then he had moved on.... the sad thing is that life is like that... you always have to deal with that type of thing and probably the same will happen in any relationship he has....

I am feeling better today mostly because I have not had wheat for two days.... I am resting until this heals once again and let me tell you there will be no more "Oh a little bit won't hurt me" instead I will be avoiding it altogether... taking my iron and to hell with Sir Arsewipe... he's not worth my time and effort... I just hope for his sake he never gets sick.... or maybe I do hope he gets sick and finds the same kind of empathy that he has given me and mine...