Tired

This week of testing has left me feeling like a dish rag. I am tired like never before. I am physically tired but I am also mentally worn out. I think about things all the time... things that would wear anyone down. Suddenly I find I am the head of a family of five with all the responsibilities of aged parents and on the verge of life teenagers. Just thinking about how to get us all home to Newfoundland with two dogs is daunting in its scope. Pops is a huge help. We are thinking that taking the train across country would offer the girls a wee diversion after saying goodbye to their dad. Maybe it will help to take their minds off the fact that their lives are falling apart. Of course this is all dependent on the house selling... - - I have been packing up. It is hard to believe that this six year odyssey is over. I may not even get back here for graduation. Over the years I've been through 3 graduations. This would have been the forth and if truth be told the only one that really has meaning. I finished all 5 samples that I needed to finish today in class. But it took every bit of my concentration to get it done. I passed in one of them wet! But there it is and wet it was. We packed the cars up in a torrential downpour and thunder was all around. I had intended to walk through the grounds once more but it didn't happen. There's something significant there. I'm not quite sure what it is but I keep my fingers crossed that some how... some way Ivan return to Olds. I would love to come back maybe even to teach. Who knows. It's all so spectacularly changed... my life and my expectations are once again taking an about face through no choice of my own. Yes I know I could stay in BC but I honestly don't think that would be healthy. HH is not big enough for me to live with the other woman there too. I know I would become a bitter old bag. So I think this adventure that I am about to embark upon will be good for us if not totally welcome. Daughter# 2 is looking forward with anticipation. Daughter #1 is anxious but looking forward too. They both will miss their Dad dreadfully. And truth be told so will I... Just not the man he has become. His mind is so full of Her that he has forgotten how to see us. He has other woman blinders on. I've tried to make him see us again but there is no hope for that. He is well and truly lost to us. I don't know what doing this will do to improve his life but I think ( don't know) that at some point there might be regrets. It feels like he is replacing us with her and her children! I cannot understand that at all. The poor fool. It is sad really. Perhaps her children are more to his liking. Perhaps it's just me.. I just can't wrap my head around it all. I know he's tired of the old so I guess it's out with the old and in with the new.