So Bright It Hurts My Eyes

Living in the north country has always been hard on my eyes. In summer time at the height of summer I sometimes struggle with migraines.  Today was one of those days. Slowly my sleeping habits are getting back to normal as the daylight diminishes as summer wears on. But today was bright... really bright and it was hot... so hot that I just wanted to jump in a pool or a lake. Unfortunately about a week ago I had to get some moles removed and I have stitches so there will be no swimming for the next little while. As a result of all the sun today I ended up with a migraine. It was so bad at one point that my peripheral vision was like looking through a kaleidoscope. It is not entirely gone yet even though I took two extra strength Tylenol. But the air is starting to cool though upstairs is like a furnace. We are patiently waiting for the thunder storm that is moving ever closer to clear the air before we go to bed.

I love night time thunder and lightning... the one thing that astounds me since living here is how very infrequent night time thunder storms comes into the neighbourhood. There are  plenty of thunder storms here.... just not at night. So when we get a night time thunder storm it is a real treat.  We sit on the deck watching the display and listening to the distant rumbling as the storm draws ever closer. And at the last minute just before the heavy rain hits we all dart inside to the safety and dryness of the house. So it goes tonight... it is not close enough yet to put on a real display but it is coming and I expect that there will be other storms too. Each rumble of thunder sends a corresponding flush of adrenaline through my body. Each flash of lightning sends excitement coursing through my veins. I love living in a log house with a tin roof because the pelting rain on the tin creates a din that makes you want to bury your head under a pillow and thank God you are not out in that storm.

The rumbles are getting closer...

I know what it is like to be exposed to the elements in a horrific storm... I have been there and done that.  Many years ago when life was simpler and kinder and gentler my husband and I took the daughters to Calgary to visit some friends and have a wee vacation. We took the girls on their first train ride at Heritage Park and we took them to the zoo and then one day our friends suggested that a day on the Ghost reservoir in Cochrane AB would be a really nice way to spend the day. They had a small sailboat big enough to take 4 adults and a couple of children but there were three families so we decided to ferry out to a small island for a picnic and to let the kids who were between the ages of five and six months wade and splash and play in the shallows. Our friend ferried the first family out to the island and then came back for us. We were headed across the short expanse of water probably no more than half a kilometre when we noticed at the head of the lake the skies looked very dark. No matter we all thought, the storm was probably passing to the north or the south of us and would miss us entirely. We got to the island and unloaded coolers and picnic gear and took off our sandals and stripped down to our swimsuits. But as we were digging for towels we began to realize that the storm was headed straight for us and that there were several children with no shelter.  In hind sight what we did next was pretty stupid but our friend who owned the sailboat decided that it was such a short trip back to the marina that we could pile the kids and the moms into the sailboat and motor across in no time. We could make it before the storm hit because it was still way up the lake. We did exactly that.

You can tell where this story is going...

We were about half way across when we ran out of gas... under normal circumstances this was not as bad a problem as you would think... it just meant changing out the tank that was on and putting on another tank... but the wind had come up and we were starting to get battered around pretty good. Our host tried like anything to change the tank over and as he was frantically working, that's when the wind really hit... in seconds we knew we were in trouble... everyone had a life jacket except for... yes you got it... moi.  The boat was steadily being pushed toward the spillway which was a drop of about 150 ft. If we went over that we would all be killed. Our host stopped fighting with the tank of gas at that point and just manned the rudder in an attempt to steer us away from certain death.  All the while husbands were back on the island watching helplessly as their wives and children were precariously flirting with the end of their lives.

I have to give him my heartfelt respect but our host was able to steer us to rocks. Large boulders the size of Volkswagons and when we hit we started passing children out one at a time to the rocks.  None of us had shoes... we had left in such a hurry that they were back on the island with our husbands and our picnic. Meanwhile the wind was by now whipping around us and the sailboat was dipping and swaying and banging on the rocks. We had no choice but to get the heck out of there and scramble up the boulders to safely.  I was the only mom with two kids and so I was dragging my two children in the beating rain over the rocks ever climbing higher to the top of the dam. Our host after dropping his own wee child and wife at the top of the dam came back to help me... but by then my knees were skinned and I was banged and bruised and sore... We got to the top of the dam and hunkered down under the rocks and tried to protect our children from the beating rain which was quickly becoming hail... that's when sailboat number two hit...

Apparently at the same time another sailboat with two young men aboard lost their engine in the storm too... and like us were headed for the spillway... they two were able to maneuver their craft to the side of the spillway right on top of our sailboat. They jumped to our sailboat and then jumped to shore and then like us scrambled up and over the rocks with whoops of elation for the great adventure they were experiencing... it was when they saw us that reality sunk in and you could see their emergency aid mentalities kick in... one of them came to the rescue and gave me his life jacket to help me cover my two young children. Daughter #1 was 5yrs at the time and Daughter #2 was 3yrs. I will never forget his kindness as he tried to block the worst of the storm from us, but still it felt like hard pellets hitting us ferociously. On the other side of the rocks under which we were hiding, were the two sailboats viciously and constantly hitting up against the dam. Boats can only take that kind of toll for so long.... they both disappeared beneath the dark waters at about the same time.... sinking into oblivion.

After the storm blew through we were left to walk along the top of the dam in bare feet... (it was crushed stone).  I had two children that were terrified and wouldn't let go of me but eventually I was able to convince one of them to let the nice man carry her as I struggled with the weight of my other child as I walked along in bare feet on crushed stone. As we got closer and closer to the gate that kept us from getting back to the marina I wondered how long we would have to wait for someone to come and open that gate and let us through... I also wondered what my husband was thinking out on the island having watched the whole gong show from his vantage point.

I was so happy when a pickup truck came through the gate and drove up to us and offered us a ride back to the marina... I got in that truck with my two little girls and thanked God that I was alive. We had a long time to wait before Michael showed up back at the marina... he had managed to hitch a ride on the boat of  someone who had stopped on the island for safely. I have never been held so
ferociously in my life and I knew in that moment what it felt to be so scared that someone you loved could be so close to death and there is nothing you can do... you are powerless to stop such ferocious acts of God. I knew in that moment that he loved me and the girls like his life depended on it. I have never ever forgotten that moment... it felt like nothing I have ever felt before... and I will probably never feel anything like it again. He has written that he never loved me.... but I know... that in that moment he loved me and the girls more than anything on the face of the earth. It felt like a love so bright that it hurt my eyes.

It is raining now and the thunder is definitely closer.  I will end here... as I am afraid that a power surge may come at any time and fry this computer.... see ya... I'm off to watch the lightning and it too will probably be so bright that it hurts my eyes.