I am sitting here with my mocha this morning and the day is blue skies all the way. It will be another scortcher. I have promised to take Daughter #2 swimming at Cameron Lake. It will be a hard thing to do because we will go swimming where we had such a lovely vacation last year. I find myself wanting more and more to shed all things Michael. I make myself coffee in the morning and I see his favorite mug. I go to the shed and I see his winter boots and jackets lying around everywhere. I go to the downstairs bathroom and there is his toothbrush. In the sunroom is his chair the one that I have wanted to get for him so long and finally was able to work a deal when we sold our couch earlier in the year. Little did I know that he had stopped loving me long ago. It is not good to be surrounded by reminders of what used to be and never will be again. I need to get him and everything that is his out of my life. It is not healthy to be this way. And so the packing continues. Yesterday I took a few hours off to spend with my friend who came for lunch. Then the afternoon was spent nursing my back because I have been horking around some pretty heavy boxes of books in the last few days. I keep thinking I should be painting in the bedroom and finishing the closets upstairs but I can't split myself in two and I really want to go through everything in the big shed so that if we are able to move quickly we can do it on short notice. So packing comes first... we can always hire a contractor if needs be to finish the work on the house. And there are certain things that have to be done before the house is ready to be placed on the market. The exterior siding is still a problem... we had always thought that we would do artificial stone. But that will not happen now since artificial stone is one of the most expensive finishes there is. No we will find a cheap but reasonable alternative and since I won't be living here I really don't care how it looks as long as the new buyer is happy. Same goes for the inside of the house. I want to finish everything as cheaply as possible so that it is ready for sale and looks fine without being overly expensive. He has removed the wood tiles that I so lovingly burned for the ceiling in the sunroom. I knew it would take a long time to finish them and so we decided to take them down and put something up there that required less effort. It looks like this now...
Eventually it will fade to match the log walls. I'm sure the new owner will be happy with it. The electrical box is closed in but there needs to be some trim work done. I am supposed to finish around the pantry while he is away. Next week when I have gotten further along with the packing I will give that a try. My goal is to try to have as much done as I possibly can before He comes back. I do not want to be told again about how lazy I am. How I let him do all the work... (as if I sat on my butt all day!) I am tired of being made to feel like I do not do my share. It wears on the nerves to be told that you are a sponge. He has no clue about what I do... I think he thinks I do nothing at all and that it has been that way for a very long time.... But I am sick of it. He will not bring me down again. I will never allow Him to make me feel bad about myself again. I am not bad and I sure as hell am not lazy.
It is just after 9 a.m. and the boxes in the shed are calling to me. There is much to do a little time in which to do it, so I guess I should get my arse in gear. Head down and arse up again I guess.
Have a great day in your neck of the woods and I hope you are finding the joys of summer a blessing. Wish me luck on selling these houses of ours.... I need all the luck I can get, 'cause I don't seem to have had much of that lately.
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