Life The Way It Was, Is, And Will Be

So I am at the house of a friend. Daughter# 1 is with me. Daughter # 2 is with her father. After being home for 24 hours I realized that the stress and strain was too much. Crying every hour is not helpful. There was much said in the last few days to make me feel about the size of a beetle. I won't go into it all because it's not for the public domain. Suffice it to say that for my own sanity and for the good of all, I have come here to lick my wounds in sorrow, to stop romantcising what we had, to tear away the rose colored glasses and see my world face on. It is an ugly picture, I assure you. When I thought I was making a happy home in fact all I was doing was laying red carpet for him to stay a man child. When I thought I was being supported I was merely being stroked like a cat. There's never been true respect for what I do cause my equipment was always underfoot and in the way! Perhaps I should have lived under the china cabinet with Murphy and the dust bunnies because there I would have been welcome which apparently I was not for many a year in my own home.- - well home doesn't feel very homey with him finishing all the Reno work. I can't stay where I'm not wanted and where resentment wears it's ugly head. So I ran away to safety and here I will stay till the end of the week when he will leave for Vernon and all things J C R.- - I actually managed 6.5 hours of sleep last night. This is astounding me since I haven't slept like that for a month or so. This house offers solace in a world of hell. The sounds of the birds in the massive Manitoba maples outside my window wake me each mining remind me that not everything is harsh and cruel. The sounds of the river flowing past the bank reminds me that there is a place of spiritual calm. - - We have had an offer on our house it is a little low and so we have countered. We will see what this brings us. I am hoping for the best... it could mean that I would be moving sooner than later. At this point I think it is a good thing. It is not healthy for me here with this person who has turned so bitterly against me and makes me feel so low. Perhaps it is time to dislike him too. The way it was is not coming back. The way it is is virtually impossible, and the way it will be... I guess I'll have to wait to see.