Not Fit For Anything

I lie awake night after night with acid eating out my insides. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the person I thought I knew so well could be so different. That is the turmoil within. On the surface I seem calm. But I am not. The only thing that keeps me functioning are our plans. Not even spinning works it's balm. A week of testing and what should have been pleasurable expectation is trying to fit in and make conversation about something other than what consumes me. I cannot concentrate. Thank God I am able to go to Olds at all. I could be losing that too. In a few moments I will get up and shower and keep putting one foot in front of the other. How do I do that when all I want to do is shrivel up inside.