With Fear And Trepidation

I begin this day with fear and trepidation. Poor Dad's knee is swollen about double and he has been sitting up most of the night. We stopped in Whitecourt for the night and got the last three rooms available. Dad has not slept in a bed for years because he has his chair. A few years back Sir Arsewipe and I bought him an electronic chair that reclines and lifts and can pretty much put him in any position possible. It is Dad's lifeline. I'm sure that had we not bought that chair for him he would be dead now. It has prolonged his life and that is NOT a joke. Last night my father sat in an uncomfortable chair (I know cause I tried it for a while) and tried to get some sleep. I am sharing the room with my parents as Sir Arsewipe shares with the daughters and the people driving my mom and dad have their own room. Since these where the last three rooms there wasn't a lot to choose from. I am taking along a tribe basically. The two dogs going to Nfld. with us are in our room too. I have been worrying about my dad. If anyone thinks this next four days is going to be a vacation then they are sadly mistaken. This will be an arduous journey. My father for all intents and purposes should be in a wheel chair. The depth of this is beginning to hit home. I am a nursemaid basically to a man who has one foot in the grave and another one on a banana peal, while my mother can barely remember her name. God, what the hell am I doing!?

There is no time to nurse this broken heart... I am on my own with more responsibility than any one person should have. And what choice... Stay and watch my husband with his new life and new love and be eaten alive with bitterness or go forward into an unknown future with aging parents and an unforgiving situation... And what of the Daughters... Is this fair to them?