The Sounds Of Sleeping

The sounds of sleeping are all around me and I am typing this from my new laptop. I sit here on my bed and listen to Narmie who is breathing heavily and making doggie sleeping noises. I listen to Jiggs who is sleeping by the side of me and every so ofter makes a stretching and groaning noise and from down the hall I can here my dad breathing heavily and snoring some too. Mom is at the other end of the house and she is very quietly going back to bed after having to get up a few minutes ago. I am unable once again to sleep. Of course I am worrying. I am walking away from the only man I have ever known as a husband. The only man I have ever trusted so deeply and there is no trust between us anymore. I wish I had movers coming tomorrow to take what is left here in this mobile home so that I could know that it is on the way. But I am not satisfied that the house deal in Nfld. is going ahead yet. And yet today I went to the bank and got a certified check ready and sent it priority post to the law office in Nfld that I am using to complete the house sale in Wesleyville. I am scared but I am also looking forward to this with some excitement. This will be the first time that I own a house or anything significant by myself. That is huge. Today I went to the Motor Vehicle Registration office and signed over the truck into Sir Arsewipe's name. I also went to the bank and removed my name from all joint accounts. There is nothing left to do but pay off a a few bills when his paycheck comes in and I don't have to do that since that will now be his problem.  I must remind him that these things need to be done. I also have to get my phone removed from his so that my bill comes to me and his bill goes to him. For the most part I am completely resigned to this now but every so often I get this feeling like I want to.... well it does no good to go there and so I won't.

I am really liking this little laptop.

I have backed up all of my files on the big computer.... all of them.... and files are transferred to memory sticks and then to this wee laptop.  I am terrified that he will give me trouble about the computer or that it will go missing in the move and I will lose every picture that we have taken in the last ten years. That would be horrific and so I am awake working on computer stuff as pics upload to files then files are loaded onto memory sticks and then from the memory sticks, they go onto this wee laptop.  

And still the sounds of sleeping abound.

It is hard to believe that this town in which I have enjoyed living these past 15 years, will be put behind  me in such a short time. One day left. Tomorrow will be a day of junk to the dump again and deciding which boxes go to Nfld and which ones don't as well as what goes on the truck to Nfld and which things go in the mail. I will have to send a bunch of things tomorrow morning but I will also be expecting Sir Arsewipe to send some of this stuff to me a little at a time when I get established in Nfld. The biggest problem is that I do not have a mailing address in Nfld yet and you wouldn't believe the massive problems this causes. But we shall persevere.

I will not be sorry to see the end of Sir Arsewipe and his chit. There was a slide presentation at the library for the trip to Ghana on Thursday night but I was in FSJ and didn't get back until late. She was in Ghana for three weeks with several kids (mostly hers) over the month of July. They went there to help build an orphanage which is a very commendable thing to do. Her kids actually are quite an awesome set of kids and she must have some good qualities to raise such lovely children but then I guess we could put it down to her husband. Whatever.... who cares. I don't even like to think about it since she and Sir Arsewipe can't wait till I'm gone no doubt.

Narmie just rolled onto his back for a belly rub. He's such a cutie.

I wonder how I will be 24 hours from now. At that point I know that our tip will be only hours away. I still have no financial agreement in place yet and I am heading off this abyss trusting that my untrustworthy ex-husband will not see us starving. How flipping ironic. I wonder if he will think on the 15th when his first paycheck for the year comes in about us and will deposit money in my account. Hmm... I wonder.Sometimes you just have to put your faith in something beyond yourself and pray really hard in the fates that things will work out and if they don't then you just have to go back to school and get funding for it so that you can find a job that will put food on the table and pay the bills. If I have to I will find a way to support us all... without Sir Arsewipe's help.

It is amazing all the dreadful things that go through your mind when only months ago you put stock in a person and had more trust in him than in anyone else on the face of this planet... but after what he has done how can there be any trust. And now he treats me with such disdain and dismissal that I know he has no respect for me... but then I have no respect for him either. How could I?

This will probably be one of my last posts before I leave on the train. I may not get a chance to post here tomorrow and I will try to post from the hotel when we get in Edmonton on Sunday but I am not sure I will be able to. We will have to see how that goes. Either way Wesley, the green dog, waits politely for his trip... there will be pics of him.... and us all as we travel across this great country.

Tomorrow I have people lined up to help me label each item in this house as to where it will go and how it eventually will get to Nfld. I sure hope that all goes smoothly. I am sure there will be a few more boxes that will have to go in the mail and I'm sure that some of those boxes will have to be repacked since the Daughters were thinking that everything would go on the truck to Nfld when they packed them up. Sending stuff via truck and sending stuff via post demands different packing techniques.

And so the sleeping sounds continue and I guess I should try to catch a few winks before dawn comes.

We'll see you from on the road.