My intentions last night when I went to bed was to spend a day painting and I don't mean painting walls... I had planned on covering two canvases today. This morning I woke up and to be quite honest I think the over-indulgences of Christmas have finally caught up with me. I feel like a racked moose. Yesterday was a day of over eating and over partying... today I suffer. So I put my feet up and did nothing... I want to say that again.... nothing.... What a fine thing it is when you can say that you have done absolutely nothing... (I really want to say it again but I won't because sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing)... nothing... (OK so I whispered!)
For weeks now I have been planning my nudes for our bedroom.... along with my poem... I was going to start painting it but chickened out along with not feeling up to it. That doesn't mean that I've chickened out on painting the nudes just that I've chickened out on painting them without doing a little more planning. I ordered the canvases a few weeks back and I've had them stored in my bedroom ever since they got here. They are perfect. Two nudes. One Male... one female. Somewhat abstract but not enough that you don't know what it is. I have been downloading nudes from the internet all day... not bad nudes but nude paintings that are not in the slightest disgusting (though I do have to say that I hit on some really bad nude websites that I could only handle for milliseconds before I felt that it was just too much for me... euck!) Anyway, I've been looking at all those nudes with the idea of pushing the ideas that I already have and taking it one step further... now I'm ready to start the preliminary drawings. That's tomorrow's job. I also am starting to get the spinning itch again. I'm seeing my wheel collecting dust and every fibre (no pun intended) in my body says treadle, wool, silk, cotton..... and the buffalo of Level 4 calls me regularly... so that will be soon.
Wow this is a two day post.... I started last night and got so tired that I just couldn't think... so here it is next day and we have spent the morning watching Pacific which is an HBO miniseries on the 2nd World War in the Pacific region... very good, (I'd recommend it to anyone with a strong stomach because they pull no punches with the gore)... We watched Band Of Brothers last year which was the first miniseries on the 2nd World war. We will watch one or two installments each day till school starts again.
But since it is 1 p.m. and I'm still in my pjs I guess I should have at it and get to my painting. Naked women and men here I come.... ; } (that's my kooky face).
I'll try for another story about New Year's tomorrow... last installment on Stories for the Holidays.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Another Christmas Story All About The Jolly Guy Himself
Once upon a time.... there was a little girl who became known in later years as Frankie to some, and Ye Olde Batt to others. (OK, so now you know that this story is about me.)
This little girl was on the verge of becoming a young lady, but was fighting it as hard as she could.... she still believed that there was a Santa... well sort of... she was really not sure whether there was a Santa Claus or not... but she really really wished there was.
Several times she asked her mother if Santa would come this year and each time her mother would say, "Oh yes, of course, Santa always comes to good girls!" Her mother wasn't getting it. She was hoping that her mother would give her a definitive answer but she was too scared to come right out and ask.
All the week before Christmas, when school closed for the holidays, the little girl was very excited... Christmas was the best. But then she got to thinking about her Santa Claus dilemma and her excitement would wane a little... would he come or not. Maybe if she stopped believing in Santa then he wouldn't come anymore. Finally, she went to her older sister and asked her if she thought that Santa would be there that year. Her older sister just ignored her, which she did on a regular basis anyway.
A few days before Christmas, her Father came home with a brand new stereo. It was the best Christmas gift ever. They had never had a new stereo before... just an old record player. But lots of people were getting new stereos.... and it even had an 8 track player!!! (Now that dates me doesn't it!) The very first 8 track they bought and played on that stereo was a Christmas one.... and it always had a special feeling to hear those Christmas songs ever after. With such a smashingly awesome Christmas gift, that came a few days before Christmas,.... it could only mean that Christmas that year was going to be the best ever..... if she could only believe in Santa, that is....
Christmas Eve day came and the little girl got ready to go out to her Aunt's and Uncle's homes to go visiting like they always did. They were visiting her third Uncle's house around about midnight, when someone yelled to come and look out the window. She flew to the window with all the others and there driving down the street was a truck with Santa in the back..... the little girl listened to everyone getting excited. Her Aunts and Uncles were telling the little cousins that the Jolly Old Guy would soon be there for sure. A short while later her mother and father bundled them all up and drove home to their own quiet house.
The little girl was getting into her pajamas when her mother came into her bedroom to tell her that she had better hurry because Santa would be there soon. Her mother tucked her into her bed and gave her a kiss and turned out the light. The little girl lay there thinking about the man she had seen at her Uncle's house, in the back of the truck because that was certainly what he had been... just a man... not Santa at all. Santa would be way more magical than what she had seen. Santa was special... that was for sure... while the man in the back of the truck was just sad.... he didn't have anything magical about him at all. As a matter of a fact, the little girl thought that he might have been drunk. But if she didn't believe in Santa then she had the feeling, in her heart, that something horrible would happen. Like something inside of her would die away and she would never get it back. So the little girl made up her mind that she would believe, and that was that.... she would put the whole thing out of her mind and believe with all her heart.
Next thing the little girl knew she was waking up and it was the middle of the night and she had to go to the bathroom and pee really badly. She lay there a few minutes trying to decide on what to do next. Should she get up and go pee or would that scare Santa away.... Maybe Santa wouldn't come if she were out of bed roaming around the house. This was a serious dilemma because she had never woken up before on Christmas Eve and needed to pee in the middle of the night. It was only 3 a.m. and her mother and father, not to mention her older sister, would never want her to get up at this hour in the morning. Finally she decided that she would hold her pee and not go to the bathroom. 3 hours till 6 a.m. would not be dreadful. She could manage that!
That lasted about ten minutes before she decided, if she didn't go to pee she would burst.
Now her problem was how to get to the bathroom without anyone hearing her and especially Santa (if he were in the house) since he must have special hearing if he was magical.... would he hear her if she got up and moved around? Very slowly she began to slide out of bed an inch at a time. Santa was so magical that, if he was in the house, then he might even hear her blankets being thrown back... so she moved like a slug inching along a little by little. By the time she was in a standing position it had taken her ten whole minutes and she still had to get down the hall to the toilet. I won't bore you at this point with her creeping technique but suffice it to say that she was on the verge of having her bladder move out in disgust with the amount of fluid it was expected to hold, by the time she got to where she needed to be. It was while she was sitting on the well,... you know, when it dawned on her that Santa might already have been there and gone again... and that she could probably go and have a peak to see whether or not there were any gifts under the Christmas tree. Again she moved very slowly down the hall.... just in case! By the time she was ready to peak into the living room, where the tree was standing, it was well past 4 a.m.
At the end of the hallway, there was a turn to the right to go into the kitchen and a turn to the left to go into the living room. She was ready to peak to the left and so she leaned very slowly to the left and stopped dead in her tracks. All the breath went out of her chest. There bending over their brand new stereo was Santa himself and he was just as she had always imagined him. She stood up so fast that she almost gave herself a bad case of whiplash. Scurrying back the way she came, she dove into her bedroom and under the covers before you could say 'Rudolph'. There she lay, with the blankets up to her nose, and eyes as wide as saucers. She could hardly breathe and the adrenaline was raging through her body so that she could have wrestled an elephant and not missed a beat. Santa had been there and he had been the real one because you could see right through him. He wasn't like a drunk old man in the back of a truck he was real... he was real... he was really real....!!!!
It took several more years, before TV and all the other normal things in this life managed to wipe that belief out of her mind. But she never... ever forgot that image of that surreal Santa bending over the new stereo having a good look at it. And in her heart Santa always was as real as snow flakes, he was as real as a horse dancing in the snow on Christmas morning. He was as real as tears on a mother's face when her heart is breaking as she tells her children that she bought their gifts for them and that it had never been Santa Claus.
May you always have the belief of a child in your heart this Christmas and always.
This little girl was on the verge of becoming a young lady, but was fighting it as hard as she could.... she still believed that there was a Santa... well sort of... she was really not sure whether there was a Santa Claus or not... but she really really wished there was.
Several times she asked her mother if Santa would come this year and each time her mother would say, "Oh yes, of course, Santa always comes to good girls!" Her mother wasn't getting it. She was hoping that her mother would give her a definitive answer but she was too scared to come right out and ask.
All the week before Christmas, when school closed for the holidays, the little girl was very excited... Christmas was the best. But then she got to thinking about her Santa Claus dilemma and her excitement would wane a little... would he come or not. Maybe if she stopped believing in Santa then he wouldn't come anymore. Finally, she went to her older sister and asked her if she thought that Santa would be there that year. Her older sister just ignored her, which she did on a regular basis anyway.
A few days before Christmas, her Father came home with a brand new stereo. It was the best Christmas gift ever. They had never had a new stereo before... just an old record player. But lots of people were getting new stereos.... and it even had an 8 track player!!! (Now that dates me doesn't it!) The very first 8 track they bought and played on that stereo was a Christmas one.... and it always had a special feeling to hear those Christmas songs ever after. With such a smashingly awesome Christmas gift, that came a few days before Christmas,.... it could only mean that Christmas that year was going to be the best ever..... if she could only believe in Santa, that is....
Christmas Eve day came and the little girl got ready to go out to her Aunt's and Uncle's homes to go visiting like they always did. They were visiting her third Uncle's house around about midnight, when someone yelled to come and look out the window. She flew to the window with all the others and there driving down the street was a truck with Santa in the back..... the little girl listened to everyone getting excited. Her Aunts and Uncles were telling the little cousins that the Jolly Old Guy would soon be there for sure. A short while later her mother and father bundled them all up and drove home to their own quiet house.
The little girl was getting into her pajamas when her mother came into her bedroom to tell her that she had better hurry because Santa would be there soon. Her mother tucked her into her bed and gave her a kiss and turned out the light. The little girl lay there thinking about the man she had seen at her Uncle's house, in the back of the truck because that was certainly what he had been... just a man... not Santa at all. Santa would be way more magical than what she had seen. Santa was special... that was for sure... while the man in the back of the truck was just sad.... he didn't have anything magical about him at all. As a matter of a fact, the little girl thought that he might have been drunk. But if she didn't believe in Santa then she had the feeling, in her heart, that something horrible would happen. Like something inside of her would die away and she would never get it back. So the little girl made up her mind that she would believe, and that was that.... she would put the whole thing out of her mind and believe with all her heart.
Next thing the little girl knew she was waking up and it was the middle of the night and she had to go to the bathroom and pee really badly. She lay there a few minutes trying to decide on what to do next. Should she get up and go pee or would that scare Santa away.... Maybe Santa wouldn't come if she were out of bed roaming around the house. This was a serious dilemma because she had never woken up before on Christmas Eve and needed to pee in the middle of the night. It was only 3 a.m. and her mother and father, not to mention her older sister, would never want her to get up at this hour in the morning. Finally she decided that she would hold her pee and not go to the bathroom. 3 hours till 6 a.m. would not be dreadful. She could manage that!
That lasted about ten minutes before she decided, if she didn't go to pee she would burst.
Now her problem was how to get to the bathroom without anyone hearing her and especially Santa (if he were in the house) since he must have special hearing if he was magical.... would he hear her if she got up and moved around? Very slowly she began to slide out of bed an inch at a time. Santa was so magical that, if he was in the house, then he might even hear her blankets being thrown back... so she moved like a slug inching along a little by little. By the time she was in a standing position it had taken her ten whole minutes and she still had to get down the hall to the toilet. I won't bore you at this point with her creeping technique but suffice it to say that she was on the verge of having her bladder move out in disgust with the amount of fluid it was expected to hold, by the time she got to where she needed to be. It was while she was sitting on the well,... you know, when it dawned on her that Santa might already have been there and gone again... and that she could probably go and have a peak to see whether or not there were any gifts under the Christmas tree. Again she moved very slowly down the hall.... just in case! By the time she was ready to peak into the living room, where the tree was standing, it was well past 4 a.m.
At the end of the hallway, there was a turn to the right to go into the kitchen and a turn to the left to go into the living room. She was ready to peak to the left and so she leaned very slowly to the left and stopped dead in her tracks. All the breath went out of her chest. There bending over their brand new stereo was Santa himself and he was just as she had always imagined him. She stood up so fast that she almost gave herself a bad case of whiplash. Scurrying back the way she came, she dove into her bedroom and under the covers before you could say 'Rudolph'. There she lay, with the blankets up to her nose, and eyes as wide as saucers. She could hardly breathe and the adrenaline was raging through her body so that she could have wrestled an elephant and not missed a beat. Santa had been there and he had been the real one because you could see right through him. He wasn't like a drunk old man in the back of a truck he was real... he was real... he was really real....!!!!
It took several more years, before TV and all the other normal things in this life managed to wipe that belief out of her mind. But she never... ever forgot that image of that surreal Santa bending over the new stereo having a good look at it. And in her heart Santa always was as real as snow flakes, he was as real as a horse dancing in the snow on Christmas morning. He was as real as tears on a mother's face when her heart is breaking as she tells her children that she bought their gifts for them and that it had never been Santa Claus.
May you always have the belief of a child in your heart this Christmas and always.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas And My Annual Poem
A Nichols Family Christmas
How did it happen, Christmas day again, and the turkey is being roasted,
I thought I’d write a little poem about things of which can be boasted.
It’s been a full and busy year of that you can be sure,
But tomorrow is Boxing day and then things quiet to a roar.
We’ll sit around till 3 o'clock in our pj's and our gowns.
And relax with our feet up with nary a single frown.
We’ve shopped, and thought, and figured out, we’ve wrapped, and taped, bowed…
Last time we had a chance to look, outside the window it snowed.
But simple pleasures are the feature of this day forward’s menu,
So now I get a chance to write about our year and send you,
A poem of such great caliber I’m sure you will agree,
That the Nichols clan really got a wonderful treasure in me! (My ego is not bloated at all… is it : )
The year has been so very full, I’m not sure what to say,
The farm has taken all our time with not much time for play.
We had a summer so dreadfully dry the ground was parched for rain,
And every day we’d watch the sky and the sun, we would disdain.
Hay became a serious problem we had to go far a field,
To find enough to feed the stock, and strike some very hard deals.
But August came and lucky enough a farmer came our way
And let us know that he was willing to sell us some bales of hay.
We reduced the number but you know sheep, they breed like little rabbits,
So in the spring we’ll start again with lambs with sucking habits.
And the moms will need their quota of feed in order to nurse their lambs,
So pray for rain, we’ll need it sure, perhaps we should raise hams!
The girls are ladies, they’re growing up. High school is their bane,
But still they are A+ students, I think it is a feign.
They both outstrip me in height you know, it’s quite a serious shock,
To look up and see the faces of those who once could not even talk.
One rides horses, the other draws, they really do us proud,
But sometimes I have to tell the truth, I wish they weren’t so loud.
They play their music on iPod docks and listen all the time,
A quieter habit is what they need, something better like mime!
No boyfriends yet that I know of, I think the boys are shy,
But that’s OK cause the longer it goes I’m happy I can’t deny.
And he and I are getting on, we’re starting to feel our years,
His knees creak, my back aches, and we both need glasses to peer.
I look at him, he looks at me, where have those years all gone,
“Into the past, my dear,” he says. “Our wrinkles we have won.”
But we’re not so old yet, you know, we still giggle and laugh,
We simply won’t give up our youth, we’ll follow a daring path.
And do the things we like to do like camping, in the wild,
We’ll paddle the canoe whenever we can through weather cold or mild.
And every year Christmas comes, joy and hope to renew,
We wish you all a Merry Christmas in everything you do.
Best wishes for 2011
Friday, December 24, 2010
As Promised.. Another Christmas Story
Oh Christmas Tree... Oh Christmas Tree... Oh Christmas Tree?! When Will You Stand In Verdant Beauty
Once upon a time there was a sweet couple who were young and just married one year when Christmas rolled around. They had a two seater convertible and were living on an Indian reservation after moving from their home the year before. They were trying to prepare for a wonderful Christmas knowing that even though it was their first Christmas together they would spend it far from their family who they missed dreadfully. They couldn't buy a Christmas tree since the nearest place to buy a Christmas tree was an hour's drive away over treacherous roads.... and how in the world would they fit a real Christmas tree on the roof of their soft top car.... it just wouldn't work.... So the young couple decided to walk down through the bush surrounding their house and find their Christmas tree. It didn't take them long to find a small tree about 7 feet high because they didn't want to have to carry a large tree home through the thick brush.... (smart move)! When they got the tree home it was very small and sadly lacking anything like thick branches... but they decorated it all the same and were content in their Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
The next year they scouted out the bush in the fall of the year looking for a nicer Christmas tree and when they found it the marked it and knew that they would go back for it later when Christmas rolled around.When they finally were ready to go and cut their tree.... they walked to the spot where the tree was with their saw and began to cut it. When they cut it down the tree was a little bigger and heavier than they felt they could carry. It was a lovely tree... the best tree they had ever seen, so they didn't want to cut any of it off to make it lighter. Teapot thought that he could stuff it in the trunk of their two seater convertible and slide it through the ski holder and be able to drive it home if they could just get it to the road. So they lugged and they carried and then Teapot ran home and got the car while the good wife stayed and kept their Christmas tree safe. (You never know when there my be marauding Christmas trees thieves roaming through the -35 degree northern Canadian forest!) When Teapot got there with their car, the good wife was almost frozen... but they stuffed the tree into the back of the car and though there was more length of tree sticking out the back end of the car than there was car, they proceeded to drive home. It only took a few feet of driving for Teapot to notice that there was very little traction on the front wheels. The tree was so heavy and so big that it was lifting the front wheels of the car off the road.... since the car was a front wheel drive this couldn't be good.... so driving very slowly and with the good wife sitting on the hood of the car, Teapot drove home with the large tree sticking out of the back end of the car.... It was as they were driving along at 20 kms an hour that they noticed that the native people who were their neighbours were watching them in surprise and awe.... Who in the world would ever do such a thing.... they were laughing behind their hands and pointing with their chins (native people believe that pointing with their fingers is rude... at least the ones we lived with did!) Soon, teapot and the good wife got home with the prized tree and discovered right away that the tree was just not going to fit into their home so when they finished trimming off what they needed to in order to get the colossal thing in the house.... it looked like sh--, so Teapot went to the school and got the tree that he had had for his class room and they used that instead.
The next year they had a new vehicle.... it had a hard top so they went to the nearest town and bought a tree from the Christmas tree farm... They picked out a lovely Christmas tree... and the nice gentlemen opened it up so that they could look at it's shape and then he put a tree protector bag made of plastic (it was a big garbage bag basically) over the tree and they loaded it on their vehicle and headed off home. When they got home, they carefully onloaded the tree and brought it into the house and stood it up... Oh no! The plastic bag had flapped in the wind so much on the way home that there was not one pin on one side of the tree. But they stood it up with a sigh and decorated it all the same.
The following year they decided to go back to cutting their own Christmas tree. But instead they decided to cut two.... just in case. They got the two trees home and then decided that one was better than the other but there was a big hole in the branches so Teapot got out his saw and drill and started to manufacture the perfect tree. They decorated the tree including the branches that Teapot had added from the other tree... and then the tossed what was left of the extra tree out under their bird feeder for the birds in which they could hide away from the cat. The added branches turned red earlier than all the rest but for the first time they had a pretty nice Christmas tree.
And so it came to pass that the happy little family.... (by now they had two daughters and had become not just a young couple but a happy little family) set in motion in those first four years of celebrating Christmas, a tradition of terrible Christmas tree experiences.... The best one went like this....
Many years later, Christmas tree hunting season was here at last and the happy little family got in their truck and drove to a place where the right size tree grows. They got out of the truck and walked about twenty feet down through the trees and realized that it was going to be difficult getting a tree this year because there was so much snow on the ground. The good wife had a very bad back that year and slogging through the snow was just not going to happen so she went back to sit in the truck while the husband and two daughters walked further and further into the bush. After they disappeared she pulled out the thermos of hot chocolate and took out her knitting needles and began to knit. Time passed, and the good wife knit more and more. Soon she began to notice that it was starting to get dark and so she looked up in the hopes of seeing Teapot and the Daughters coming back with a tree in tow. It was blowing and snowing and very cold.... hmmm.... what could be keeping them? Time kept passing and it was getting darker and later and still they didn't come. Finally it was really getting dark and she saw in the distance all three coming with Teapot in the back towing a tree through the snow. The good wife was so relieved that she decided to get out of the truck and take some pictures of them tracking through the snow. Click went the camera.... and clickety click click it went. Suddenly she felt something odd happening with the bottom of her jeans.... she looked down and there trying to climb up her boot to the bottom of her pants and to the nice warm leg beneath, was a wee mouse that was thinking that a nice pants leg might be a good home for Christmas...! The good wife jumped and as the wee mouse ran frantically trying to get to the nice safe pants leg the good wife began to do the most interesting dance that you can imagine..... Off in the distance, the Daughters and Teapot saw that there was something very wrong with the good wife and so they tried to get there to help the good wife because she was obviously going off her rocker... ! When they ran up to her they saw that she was indeed frantically trying to get something off her leg..... or was it her foot... She was jumping around so crazily that they weren't quite sure what was happening.... In short order, one of the Daughters saw something small and furry fall to the ground and disappear into a mouse hole and it was then they they figured out what was wrong with the good wife..... She dove into the truck and swore she was getting an artificial tree and never going looking for a real tree again. Everybody laughed at her and when she calmed down a few days later she began to see the humour in the situation and began to laugh about it too.... but still she swore that she would never have another real tree as long as she lived.
It took the good wife three long years but finally.... finally she convinced Teapot and her Daughters that an artificial tree that could be taken out of a box and set up in 7 minutes was the best tree option of all...
And so it came to pass.....
Merry Christmas... and may your Tannenbaum be as simple as ours is....
Once upon a time there was a sweet couple who were young and just married one year when Christmas rolled around. They had a two seater convertible and were living on an Indian reservation after moving from their home the year before. They were trying to prepare for a wonderful Christmas knowing that even though it was their first Christmas together they would spend it far from their family who they missed dreadfully. They couldn't buy a Christmas tree since the nearest place to buy a Christmas tree was an hour's drive away over treacherous roads.... and how in the world would they fit a real Christmas tree on the roof of their soft top car.... it just wouldn't work.... So the young couple decided to walk down through the bush surrounding their house and find their Christmas tree. It didn't take them long to find a small tree about 7 feet high because they didn't want to have to carry a large tree home through the thick brush.... (smart move)! When they got the tree home it was very small and sadly lacking anything like thick branches... but they decorated it all the same and were content in their Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
The next year they scouted out the bush in the fall of the year looking for a nicer Christmas tree and when they found it the marked it and knew that they would go back for it later when Christmas rolled around.When they finally were ready to go and cut their tree.... they walked to the spot where the tree was with their saw and began to cut it. When they cut it down the tree was a little bigger and heavier than they felt they could carry. It was a lovely tree... the best tree they had ever seen, so they didn't want to cut any of it off to make it lighter. Teapot thought that he could stuff it in the trunk of their two seater convertible and slide it through the ski holder and be able to drive it home if they could just get it to the road. So they lugged and they carried and then Teapot ran home and got the car while the good wife stayed and kept their Christmas tree safe. (You never know when there my be marauding Christmas trees thieves roaming through the -35 degree northern Canadian forest!) When Teapot got there with their car, the good wife was almost frozen... but they stuffed the tree into the back of the car and though there was more length of tree sticking out the back end of the car than there was car, they proceeded to drive home. It only took a few feet of driving for Teapot to notice that there was very little traction on the front wheels. The tree was so heavy and so big that it was lifting the front wheels of the car off the road.... since the car was a front wheel drive this couldn't be good.... so driving very slowly and with the good wife sitting on the hood of the car, Teapot drove home with the large tree sticking out of the back end of the car.... It was as they were driving along at 20 kms an hour that they noticed that the native people who were their neighbours were watching them in surprise and awe.... Who in the world would ever do such a thing.... they were laughing behind their hands and pointing with their chins (native people believe that pointing with their fingers is rude... at least the ones we lived with did!) Soon, teapot and the good wife got home with the prized tree and discovered right away that the tree was just not going to fit into their home so when they finished trimming off what they needed to in order to get the colossal thing in the house.... it looked like sh--, so Teapot went to the school and got the tree that he had had for his class room and they used that instead.
The next year they had a new vehicle.... it had a hard top so they went to the nearest town and bought a tree from the Christmas tree farm... They picked out a lovely Christmas tree... and the nice gentlemen opened it up so that they could look at it's shape and then he put a tree protector bag made of plastic (it was a big garbage bag basically) over the tree and they loaded it on their vehicle and headed off home. When they got home, they carefully onloaded the tree and brought it into the house and stood it up... Oh no! The plastic bag had flapped in the wind so much on the way home that there was not one pin on one side of the tree. But they stood it up with a sigh and decorated it all the same.
The following year they decided to go back to cutting their own Christmas tree. But instead they decided to cut two.... just in case. They got the two trees home and then decided that one was better than the other but there was a big hole in the branches so Teapot got out his saw and drill and started to manufacture the perfect tree. They decorated the tree including the branches that Teapot had added from the other tree... and then the tossed what was left of the extra tree out under their bird feeder for the birds in which they could hide away from the cat. The added branches turned red earlier than all the rest but for the first time they had a pretty nice Christmas tree.
And so it came to pass that the happy little family.... (by now they had two daughters and had become not just a young couple but a happy little family) set in motion in those first four years of celebrating Christmas, a tradition of terrible Christmas tree experiences.... The best one went like this....
Many years later, Christmas tree hunting season was here at last and the happy little family got in their truck and drove to a place where the right size tree grows. They got out of the truck and walked about twenty feet down through the trees and realized that it was going to be difficult getting a tree this year because there was so much snow on the ground. The good wife had a very bad back that year and slogging through the snow was just not going to happen so she went back to sit in the truck while the husband and two daughters walked further and further into the bush. After they disappeared she pulled out the thermos of hot chocolate and took out her knitting needles and began to knit. Time passed, and the good wife knit more and more. Soon she began to notice that it was starting to get dark and so she looked up in the hopes of seeing Teapot and the Daughters coming back with a tree in tow. It was blowing and snowing and very cold.... hmmm.... what could be keeping them? Time kept passing and it was getting darker and later and still they didn't come. Finally it was really getting dark and she saw in the distance all three coming with Teapot in the back towing a tree through the snow. The good wife was so relieved that she decided to get out of the truck and take some pictures of them tracking through the snow. Click went the camera.... and clickety click click it went. Suddenly she felt something odd happening with the bottom of her jeans.... she looked down and there trying to climb up her boot to the bottom of her pants and to the nice warm leg beneath, was a wee mouse that was thinking that a nice pants leg might be a good home for Christmas...! The good wife jumped and as the wee mouse ran frantically trying to get to the nice safe pants leg the good wife began to do the most interesting dance that you can imagine..... Off in the distance, the Daughters and Teapot saw that there was something very wrong with the good wife and so they tried to get there to help the good wife because she was obviously going off her rocker... ! When they ran up to her they saw that she was indeed frantically trying to get something off her leg..... or was it her foot... She was jumping around so crazily that they weren't quite sure what was happening.... In short order, one of the Daughters saw something small and furry fall to the ground and disappear into a mouse hole and it was then they they figured out what was wrong with the good wife..... She dove into the truck and swore she was getting an artificial tree and never going looking for a real tree again. Everybody laughed at her and when she calmed down a few days later she began to see the humour in the situation and began to laugh about it too.... but still she swore that she would never have another real tree as long as she lived.
It took the good wife three long years but finally.... finally she convinced Teapot and her Daughters that an artificial tree that could be taken out of a box and set up in 7 minutes was the best tree option of all...
And so it came to pass.....
Merry Christmas... and may your Tannenbaum be as simple as ours is....
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Blessed, Blessed Light
Well, Solstice has come and gone and while the rest of the world celebrated it yesterday.... I'm a little strange. I actually don't celebrate Solstice.... I celebrate the day after Solstice and today is the day after Solstice. You see... when everyone else is celebrating the shortest day of the year I actually can't wait till it's over... then, I start celebrating the day after because we've gained just a few precious moments of daylight.
Do y'all remember last year? I started watching the daylight and I really did find that it does help to know that each day there is just a few more precious moments of daylight and you can watch that sun growing as it comes closer and closer, higher and higher, warmer and warmer, and brighter and brighter. Oh happy day! The sunrise today for my area is at 9:35 a.m. and the sunset is at 16:29 p.m. so as of this day I will have a new little gadget up in the corner of my blog main page that has the Sunset and Sunrise and I usually follow it till the spring Equinox. So you can follow it with me too... if you want to.
Now for the promised Christmas Story.
A Lesson In Christmas Shopping
Once upon a time there was a very foolish woman. She decided to let her husband do all the Christmas stocking stuffer shopping for the two Daughters as well as all the candy and goodies that go into the stocking of herself andTeapot I mean, her husband (yes... she sent him shopping for himself.... but it's really not mean because he liked/s to pick out chocolate and treats for himself and she had other goodies for his stocking that were not treats and would make nice surprises for him.) Many times before, when they were down to the wire on time one or the other of them had gone shopping for the sweets that would make their debut in the magical stockings on Christmas morning and it had been really good because the good wife could get done everything that she needed to do and the husband didn't have to go shopping with his Daughters and watch her/them try on many different pairs of jeans only to have to pay for them in the end (and not $148.00 either!)
The good wife trusted that her husband could do this small task because he had done it before and really done a good job with it and also it was a fairly simple job... She had also given him the task of buying groceries... he had also done a good job with that in the past. He set out his way and she set out her way with the two Daughters. The shopping for the most part went really well for the good wife... (except for the jean shopping... see previous post for further details... and one crochety old fart who could be a contender for the Scrooge of the year award)! They arrived home that night, tired but satisfied that they had gotten everything they needed and would not need to go shopping anymore this side of Christmas.
The husband brought in the groceries and the good wife put them away and in the meantime there was much sneakiness and craftiness trying to get bags in from the vehicle and hidden in the house without eyes getting glimps of things that shouldn't be seen until Christmas morning.
Later, after the Daughters were nestled all snug in their beds with sugarplums bouncing around off the inside of their minds the good wife and her husband sat in the living room to have a peak at all the things that would make their way into the stockings. (Yup, the good wife saw all that she would be opening on Christmas morning too...) It was while the good wife was waiting for the husband to return from upstairs where he had hidden all the Christmas stocking treasures that she realized that there were several important items missing from the grocery list and she thought that perhaps her husband may have forgotten them... (sigh)!
The husband entered the living room with one grocery bag and one bag from another store and that was it. She looked at him in confusion and said, "Well, where's the rest of it?'
Teapot (ahh... whose kidding who... we all know the story is about this clan!): What do you mean where's the rest of it.
Frankie: Ummm the rest of the stocking stuffers.
Teapot: Are you kidding? This is it.
Frankie: For one stocking right?
Teapot: Uhh! No? This is what I got.
The colour was once again draining from the good wife's face....
Frankie: You do realize that one grocery bag is what it takes to fill one stocking right?!
Teapot: Uh...no!
They looked through the things that he had purchased and realized that they would be making another trip to town... there was just no way that they had enough to fill all four stockings even if they stretched things it would be like they had all been bad for Santa....
Then the good wife thought she had better check her banking account and noticed that there was a lot more money there than there should be.... hmmm!
Frankie: Dear, how much money did you spend on groceries?
Teapot: $@$% (I won't say how much he actually spent but suffice it to say that it was a whole lot less than what the good wife had planned on spending for groceries).
In dismay the good wife realized that husbands should be given strict shopping lists for Christmas groceries and that Christmas groceries are not like any other grocery shopping expedition at all but in the eyes of men 'shopping is shopping' no matter what time of the year it is!
They are now going to brave the stores once again... early tomorrow morning... for stocking stuffers and the rest of the groceries that will be needed for the open house/anniversary party they are throwing on the 28th.... (yes... our anniversary is in the midts of this crazy season!)
I think I need to go lie down again... (sigh)!
Do y'all remember last year? I started watching the daylight and I really did find that it does help to know that each day there is just a few more precious moments of daylight and you can watch that sun growing as it comes closer and closer, higher and higher, warmer and warmer, and brighter and brighter. Oh happy day! The sunrise today for my area is at 9:35 a.m. and the sunset is at 16:29 p.m. so as of this day I will have a new little gadget up in the corner of my blog main page that has the Sunset and Sunrise and I usually follow it till the spring Equinox. So you can follow it with me too... if you want to.
Now for the promised Christmas Story.
A Lesson In Christmas Shopping
Once upon a time there was a very foolish woman. She decided to let her husband do all the Christmas stocking stuffer shopping for the two Daughters as well as all the candy and goodies that go into the stocking of herself and
The good wife trusted that her husband could do this small task because he had done it before and really done a good job with it and also it was a fairly simple job... She had also given him the task of buying groceries... he had also done a good job with that in the past. He set out his way and she set out her way with the two Daughters. The shopping for the most part went really well for the good wife... (except for the jean shopping... see previous post for further details... and one crochety old fart who could be a contender for the Scrooge of the year award)! They arrived home that night, tired but satisfied that they had gotten everything they needed and would not need to go shopping anymore this side of Christmas.
The husband brought in the groceries and the good wife put them away and in the meantime there was much sneakiness and craftiness trying to get bags in from the vehicle and hidden in the house without eyes getting glimps of things that shouldn't be seen until Christmas morning.
Later, after the Daughters were nestled all snug in their beds with sugarplums bouncing around off the inside of their minds the good wife and her husband sat in the living room to have a peak at all the things that would make their way into the stockings. (Yup, the good wife saw all that she would be opening on Christmas morning too...) It was while the good wife was waiting for the husband to return from upstairs where he had hidden all the Christmas stocking treasures that she realized that there were several important items missing from the grocery list and she thought that perhaps her husband may have forgotten them... (sigh)!
The husband entered the living room with one grocery bag and one bag from another store and that was it. She looked at him in confusion and said, "Well, where's the rest of it?'
Teapot (ahh... whose kidding who... we all know the story is about this clan!): What do you mean where's the rest of it.
Frankie: Ummm the rest of the stocking stuffers.
Teapot: Are you kidding? This is it.
Frankie: For one stocking right?
Teapot: Uhh! No? This is what I got.
The colour was once again draining from the good wife's face....
Frankie: You do realize that one grocery bag is what it takes to fill one stocking right?!
Teapot: Uh...no!
They looked through the things that he had purchased and realized that they would be making another trip to town... there was just no way that they had enough to fill all four stockings even if they stretched things it would be like they had all been bad for Santa....
Then the good wife thought she had better check her banking account and noticed that there was a lot more money there than there should be.... hmmm!
Frankie: Dear, how much money did you spend on groceries?
Teapot: $@$% (I won't say how much he actually spent but suffice it to say that it was a whole lot less than what the good wife had planned on spending for groceries).
In dismay the good wife realized that husbands should be given strict shopping lists for Christmas groceries and that Christmas groceries are not like any other grocery shopping expedition at all but in the eyes of men 'shopping is shopping' no matter what time of the year it is!
They are now going to brave the stores once again... early tomorrow morning... for stocking stuffers and the rest of the groceries that will be needed for the open house/anniversary party they are throwing on the 28th.... (yes... our anniversary is in the midts of this crazy season!)
I think I need to go lie down again... (sigh)!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A Week Of Christmas Stories.... Maybe..... Starting With The Last Post
Once upon a time there was an old hag.... (I just looked at my reflection in the black window here by the computer... it wasn't a pretty sight!)... who had two lovely Daughters that she wanted to give the world to.
One Christmas she decided to buy the Daughter #2 a pair of jeans because she needed them and because she loved her Daughter #2 very much indeed and that is what the Daughter #2 wanted most in all the world for Christmas. (The Daughter #2 had a lot of trouble buying jeans because she was/is so tall... )The old hag mother tried getting nice jeans from the Sears catalogue but had no luck. So the old hag mother took her daughter to a jean store in the nearest mall in the hopes of finding a very nice pair of jeans. The store that she took the daughter to was known as having jeans that were popular with all the coolest kids in town...
Now the old hag mother had not been shopping in the store in question for several years because most of the jeans in the store were barely muff dusters. But she thought that she might find something for the daughter that was cool but at the same time not quite so revealing. They walked into the store together hopeful that all would go well and that the daughter would be leaving the store in a short while with the said desired jeans. Thedumb mother I mean the old hag mother had bought jeans there before and she had thought that they charged outrageous prices at between $60 to $80 dollars, but that Daughter #2 was worth it. The Daughter #1 and Teapot had gone to purchase tickets to the theatre for the matinee knowing that the Daughter #2 and the old hag mother had a full 45 minutes to purchase the jeans.
The Daughter #2 was happily going through the jeans on the racks and picking out several pairs to try on when the old hag mother found the perfect pair. She handed them to the Daughter #2 to go and try on...
While the Daughter #2 was trying on the jeans, the old hag mother was looking at pretty tops that the Daughter might like as well. A few moments later, the Daughter #2 came out of the change room with the jeans on and a new top as well.... and looked just smashing. By this time they were getting down on time and knew that they would have to meet Teapot and the Daughter #1 at the theatre in about 10 minutes. The Daughter #2 went back into the change room and took off the jeans and the top and handed them to her mother along with another top and said that the price was 2 for 1..... hmmm.
The Daughter #2 was getting her own clothes on when the old hag mother walked over to the lineup by the cash registers to pay for their purchases.... there were a few in the line ahead of her.... and there wasn't much time left. The person ahead of her stepped up to the counter after a few minutes and the good wife was getting panicky in line...... (I bet you're wondering why I switched from old hag mother to good wife....) The Daughter #2 was now standing just off to the right of the line up with a white strained look on her face because she really wanted to see the movie. Just as the good wife was thinking I'm going to have to hide this pile of clothes in a spot somewhere until after the movie, the cashier finished with the person ahead. By now, the good wife and the Daughter #2 were late.... by about 5 minutes and the movie would be starting any minute now. Very quickly the good wife threw the clothes on the counter and fished around in her purse for her debit card.... meanwhile the cashier was entering all pertinent information.... she turned and told the total to the good wife and the good wife, hearing her, passed her the card.... in a matter of minutes the good wife completed the transaction and took the bag and the receipt and headed off at a run up the mall to the theatre..... but the Daughter #2 was worried .... her mother had a funny white pinched look on her face.... there was something really wrong with her mother. After a few seconds, her mother was slowing down and not walking as fast... she looked like she was going to be sick.... so she asked her mother if she was ok.
The good wife/ good mother was having an aneurysm.... (don't panic... not really.... it just felt like it)!
She said to her daughter, "I just spent $200.78 on two tops at $14.50 each which means that there's something wrong with the price of the jeans..... I'll have to look at the receipt and figure out what just happened... she must have charged me twice for the jeans... we'll have to go back..." Seeing the stricken look on the daughter's face she said, "it can wait till after the movie..... " Meanwhile they were still speeding down the hall of the mall toward the theatres..... but as they went along the good mother kept mumbling to herself.... things like... "it can't be" and "there must be some mistake" and " I couldn't be that naive could I" and "they wouldn't do that really"..... until finally the good mother stopped in her tracks and just stared at the receipt that she still gripped in her white, tight fist... and there before her eyes was the price of the jeans...... $148.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Holy #%#$$%&%$ a moly. That can't be real?" she squawked. People all around were looking at her strangely....
She thought she was dieing as the shock sunk in that she had just been taken by a bunch of cheating b---ards!
After a few seconds the Daughter #2 took her by the arm and dragged her along down the hall. She could see her father in the distance and knew that he would make everything alright.
Meanwhile the good wife was trying to get a hold of herself and when she saw the Teapot she said in an undertone, "I have something horrible to tell you.....!"
He turned to her and saw that it was a serious matter right away by the horrid look on her face. She realized that others were looking on, and trying to be the loving, happy family that they usually are.... (ok, so like everyone else on the face of the planet... we have our problems too!) she smiled and said, "I need to sit down... lets just go into the movie and I will tell you in there."
In the dark she relayed to the Teapot the price of the jeans that she had just purchased and so they looked at the price tag on the jeans to make sure that she hadn't been charged twice..... and yes, they were $148.00. ACCCKK! Teapot was now in the grips of an aneurysm. The first thing out of his mouth is, "You have to take them back.....!" And the good wife, being a good wife, kept her head and replied very politely that she was not a moron and that she knew this.
In the dark while Reepicheep was defending his honour, the good wife came to terms with the problem she found herself in. She had been blinded by time... she hadn't looked at the purchase price of the jeans, she had been lulled into stupidity by the passing of time and thinking that knobs that set prices are money grubbing sh-t...well you get my drift... Daughter #2 was whispered to and made aware that she could not keep the perfect jeans because they were highly overpriced pieces of cotton sewn together in some third world sweat shop for about five dollars and then bejewelled with a 1960's bejeweler and sold to dimwitted mothers too stupid to look at prices.
The jeans went back, of course.... and we bought Daughter #2 a lovely purple (her favorite colour) blouse and a lovely pair of black floaty dress pants and a necklace to match the blouse... an outfit that makes her look like she is a very tall, slim and beautiful model, at a much more reasonable price at a much more reasonable store.... and never again will we shop at Bootlegger (oops... I shouldn't have said that).... because they are abunch of money grubbing smuck heads for trying to sell cotton denim (bejeweled or not) at anything nearing the price we almost paid....
Buyer Beware.... Merry Christmas.
Shopping sucks the big one!!!
One Christmas she decided to buy the Daughter #2 a pair of jeans because she needed them and because she loved her Daughter #2 very much indeed and that is what the Daughter #2 wanted most in all the world for Christmas. (The Daughter #2 had a lot of trouble buying jeans because she was/is so tall... )The old hag mother tried getting nice jeans from the Sears catalogue but had no luck. So the old hag mother took her daughter to a jean store in the nearest mall in the hopes of finding a very nice pair of jeans. The store that she took the daughter to was known as having jeans that were popular with all the coolest kids in town...
Now the old hag mother had not been shopping in the store in question for several years because most of the jeans in the store were barely muff dusters. But she thought that she might find something for the daughter that was cool but at the same time not quite so revealing. They walked into the store together hopeful that all would go well and that the daughter would be leaving the store in a short while with the said desired jeans. The
The Daughter #2 was happily going through the jeans on the racks and picking out several pairs to try on when the old hag mother found the perfect pair. She handed them to the Daughter #2 to go and try on...
While the Daughter #2 was trying on the jeans, the old hag mother was looking at pretty tops that the Daughter might like as well. A few moments later, the Daughter #2 came out of the change room with the jeans on and a new top as well.... and looked just smashing. By this time they were getting down on time and knew that they would have to meet Teapot and the Daughter #1 at the theatre in about 10 minutes. The Daughter #2 went back into the change room and took off the jeans and the top and handed them to her mother along with another top and said that the price was 2 for 1..... hmmm.
The Daughter #2 was getting her own clothes on when the old hag mother walked over to the lineup by the cash registers to pay for their purchases.... there were a few in the line ahead of her.... and there wasn't much time left. The person ahead of her stepped up to the counter after a few minutes and the good wife was getting panicky in line...... (I bet you're wondering why I switched from old hag mother to good wife....) The Daughter #2 was now standing just off to the right of the line up with a white strained look on her face because she really wanted to see the movie. Just as the good wife was thinking I'm going to have to hide this pile of clothes in a spot somewhere until after the movie, the cashier finished with the person ahead. By now, the good wife and the Daughter #2 were late.... by about 5 minutes and the movie would be starting any minute now. Very quickly the good wife threw the clothes on the counter and fished around in her purse for her debit card.... meanwhile the cashier was entering all pertinent information.... she turned and told the total to the good wife and the good wife, hearing her, passed her the card.... in a matter of minutes the good wife completed the transaction and took the bag and the receipt and headed off at a run up the mall to the theatre..... but the Daughter #2 was worried .... her mother had a funny white pinched look on her face.... there was something really wrong with her mother. After a few seconds, her mother was slowing down and not walking as fast... she looked like she was going to be sick.... so she asked her mother if she was ok.
The good wife/ good mother was having an aneurysm.... (don't panic... not really.... it just felt like it)!
She said to her daughter, "I just spent $200.78 on two tops at $14.50 each which means that there's something wrong with the price of the jeans..... I'll have to look at the receipt and figure out what just happened... she must have charged me twice for the jeans... we'll have to go back..." Seeing the stricken look on the daughter's face she said, "it can wait till after the movie..... " Meanwhile they were still speeding down the hall of the mall toward the theatres..... but as they went along the good mother kept mumbling to herself.... things like... "it can't be" and "there must be some mistake" and " I couldn't be that naive could I" and "they wouldn't do that really"..... until finally the good mother stopped in her tracks and just stared at the receipt that she still gripped in her white, tight fist... and there before her eyes was the price of the jeans...... $148.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Holy #%#$$%&%$ a moly. That can't be real?" she squawked. People all around were looking at her strangely....
She thought she was dieing as the shock sunk in that she had just been taken by a bunch of cheating b---ards!
After a few seconds the Daughter #2 took her by the arm and dragged her along down the hall. She could see her father in the distance and knew that he would make everything alright.
Meanwhile the good wife was trying to get a hold of herself and when she saw the Teapot she said in an undertone, "I have something horrible to tell you.....!"
He turned to her and saw that it was a serious matter right away by the horrid look on her face. She realized that others were looking on, and trying to be the loving, happy family that they usually are.... (ok, so like everyone else on the face of the planet... we have our problems too!) she smiled and said, "I need to sit down... lets just go into the movie and I will tell you in there."
In the dark she relayed to the Teapot the price of the jeans that she had just purchased and so they looked at the price tag on the jeans to make sure that she hadn't been charged twice..... and yes, they were $148.00. ACCCKK! Teapot was now in the grips of an aneurysm. The first thing out of his mouth is, "You have to take them back.....!" And the good wife, being a good wife, kept her head and replied very politely that she was not a moron and that she knew this.
In the dark while Reepicheep was defending his honour, the good wife came to terms with the problem she found herself in. She had been blinded by time... she hadn't looked at the purchase price of the jeans, she had been lulled into stupidity by the passing of time and thinking that knobs that set prices are money grubbing sh-t...well you get my drift... Daughter #2 was whispered to and made aware that she could not keep the perfect jeans because they were highly overpriced pieces of cotton sewn together in some third world sweat shop for about five dollars and then bejewelled with a 1960's bejeweler and sold to dimwitted mothers too stupid to look at prices.
The jeans went back, of course.... and we bought Daughter #2 a lovely purple (her favorite colour) blouse and a lovely pair of black floaty dress pants and a necklace to match the blouse... an outfit that makes her look like she is a very tall, slim and beautiful model, at a much more reasonable price at a much more reasonable store.... and never again will we shop at Bootlegger (oops... I shouldn't have said that).... because they are abunch of money grubbing smuck heads for trying to sell cotton denim (bejeweled or not) at anything nearing the price we almost paid....
Buyer Beware.... Merry Christmas.
Shopping sucks the big one!!!
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