Obsessive? Compulsive?..... Yes!

Wow! How did that happen... My last post was Saturday and here it is Tuesday already.... where did all that time go?

I spent my day in obsessive and compulsive behavior. I have been working on my Masters Spinners homework. Ra ra sis boom bah! I am really pleased that I am actually making an effort to get my work done but right off the batt (no pun intended) I realized that getting started was not going to be easy. The first project I started to tackle was to spin a worsted yarn from a fine fibre with a worsted preparation. Easy eh? Ah... no! I am now working on my fifth attempt to get a good sample and I am nowhere nearer to having what I think is good than I was when I first started. I could swear that I am a total beginner if I were to look at my samples. Not one of my samples will get full marks. Everyone of them sucks. Problem is I am now running out of the fibre that my instructor provided and so I am beginning to resort to trying a different fibre instead, and I don't like it nearly as much.

What is a body to do when one begins to obsess over something that should only take a short time. I could really be at this until April and still not have what I think is acceptable. And this is only the first question.... arrgghh!

I remember when I was in college, and then university, when I was right out of school (a long time ago.. well not THAT long). I would be given work to do and I never obsessed about it the way I am obsessing now. What has happened to the free wheeling, relaxed person that I was? When did I become annal over my work? And most importantly, why am I never satisfied?

I have been reflecting on this and have come to the conclusion that when I was younger I had nothing to prove. I was young and so had all the time in the world to prove myself and my abilities, but now I am looking back at the years behind me and see that too much time has past to just let things slide any longer. If I am going to make an impression, I had better get on with it now. If I am going to make a name for myself hadn't I better do it soon? I mean I am 40 something.

My grandfather's motto was, "there is no time like the present". He was absolutely right. When I decided to take up the Master Spinner program, I had been out of school for many years and all I wanted to do was be the best that I could be. I felt there was 'no time like the present". It was all about my interest and being really good at what I do. But suddenly I am possessed by the idea that I might be the next Judith MacKensie McCuin or the next Elizabeth Zimmerman. Has there been a latent desire to be a perfectionist just waiting till middle age to burst forth from me? Is that what is driving me to this mindless frenzy of perfection? Am I obsessive and compulsive?

I just want a 5 out of 5 worsted skein from a fine fibre... is that asking too much? I don't know but I'm getting sick of asking myself all these questions.... Hark! is that the call of a baggie of merino I hear? Perfect grist... perfect angle of twist... perfect balance.... there's got to be a way.....

Everything works out in the end.... I think!

Today was a busy day. Today actually started last night! Our power went off, last evening, and so we were left to make our way through the evening hours as people did years ago.... with no computer or anything else that required electricity. By 9 p.m. we all felt that bed was our best option. (No wonder they went to bed early years ago.) Hubby had informed me earlier in the day that he would be going hunting for elk and so would require a very early morning. An early bedtime seemed to be the best solution. By 9:30 p.m. we were all settled under our quilts and peacefully on our way to la la land and listening to the wind rage for another night against the solid log walls of our home. The wind raged alright, as it had for the last few days. No wonder we had lost our power, there was a tree down across the lines between here and the nearest town.... Now while our log walls might be solid enough, we do have an issue with our tin roof. It is solid enough but, as anyone who has a tin roof knows, it rattles mightily in a heavy wind. There were times when it sounded like a 737 was about to land on our roof and then the tin would rattle till it sounded like our roof might take off like a kite. Our peaceful night was turned into a wakeful, noisy, disaster. At 4 a.m. I was no longer "sleeping" but lying and waiting for the time to pass till I could get up. Hubby's intention was to leave at 6:30 and so a 5:30 wake up call was in order.

When Hubby crawled out of bed, I'll be honest, I was somewhat relieved though, I must say that I was extremely tired. I followed him downstairs and lit candles as the power had not come back on as we had hoped. I knit on my Baby Surprise Sweater (E.Z. The Opinionated Knitter) until Hubby went out the door. Then I headed back to my bed to shiver until my blankets warmed me and I gently fell asleep.

At shortly after 8 a.m. I awoke to my kids slamming out the door to feed the sheep. The wind was still raging. I was grateful that Daughter#1 and Daughter #2 had enough initiative to do my chores for me.... that was great! But I faced the day resolutely knowing that my sheep needed their fall shots and our yard needed to be winterized. The first chore was to tie down the tarp that was whipping about brutally in the wind. This was quite a feat as anyone who has handled a large tarp in hurricane winds will know. Once the ropes were secured for that I cleaned out our tent trailer (thank heavens the wind had not destroyed it). Then the girls helped me to collapse that and secure a tarp over it for the winter. Hubby was home by then as he will not hunt in the middle of the day. We had a quick lunch and then I filled all the needles for the sheep's shots.

The lambs were easy. We were able to coax them into the barn and corner them. Each one had a shot of Tasvax 8 and a shot of Ivomex. Then we entered the other paddock and started to corral the adults. They were a little more warey as they seemed to know what we were up to. Greigg, my Shetland x was most warey and most wiley. We had tried capturing him earlier in the summer and discovered that he can jump three and a half foot fences with ease. So in trying to catch him this time we weren't taking any chances. Hubby discovered how hard flipping them is once you have caught them. The needle went into the soft flesh under the fore leg and since the adults only required the one shot, it was done quickly. A quick check to make sure that general health was good and off they went. Six sheep besides the four lambs got their shots yesterday and it was my first time as doctor to the sheep.

The afternoon ended with taking down the Daughter's trampoline. A day that I approached with serious misgivings, had turned into a productive one. Even my Baby Surprise Sweater is coming along.

Days that are productive make you feel good. There is nothing better than getting things accomplished... you feel like a success. There is a list a mile long with things that need to be done. The barns are still not finished, and they will be a priority over the next few weeks. There is a cloud in the sky that is still like a fist about to deliver the first blow of winter and I expect the hammer blow is going to come soon. The forcast is calling for snow this week so we are racing against the onslaught of winter to get the shelters built for the animals. In between are obligations for other activities like chaperoning and medical trips for the aging parents, (two this week alone).
But one day of success has given me the confidence that we will make it in time..... yee haw!

Reflections On Startitis

I just read the Yarn Harlot's last two blog entries. She is talking about a serious case of Startitis...... she has no idea. Last year I started the Master Spinner Program at Olds College and all year I worked diligently on my homework. When I finished in April I was so relieved to have it done that I started in right away on some "fun" projects.... you know, they are the ones that you do just because it feels like it would be an interesting project. Everywhere I looked there was something inspirational to do and so I became a haven for confusion and unfinished projects. It is now 6 months later, and I still haven't stopped.... I find it hard to finish anything.... I have been working on a baby sweater for the last week and it is fun.... a lovely piece but last night I ran out of yarn and now need to spin more ... this is not a difficult thing because I still have lots of fibre that is dyed and ready to spin but what do I do? Instead of pulling out that fibre I pull out a bunch that is already spun and start checking out new baby sweater patterns. (I don't even have any babies to knit for.) In particular Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Sweater.... something that I've wanted to try since I saw it in the last Spin-Off magazine. I have lovely fibre that would be just perfect for such a little project. But that is just the problem... it is a little project and it would be quick and easy to finish whereas spinning more fibre for a project that I am already working on will mean sitting for long periods and working on something that will take a while before I see the results and I am not up for "not seeing results" right now.

Six months of startitis is starting to affect the whole family as project after project lies abandoned in my house without being cleaned up before I am on to the next one. They are on my couch... We can no longer use the couch as the mound grows... and grows....

Even the computer desk and its surrounds are affected as the mound on the couch is now over flowing.....


Recently my dinner table has begun to be affected too. Between the heaps of mail that comes in and never gets delt with like unwanted flyers and "urgent" mail from Readers Digest informing me that I've just made it to the finalists for some sweepstakes, between the library books that are waiting to be brought back to the libray and Daughter #2's new laptop and charger there is a growing pile of UFOs.

What I want to know is why is it that startitis is more prevalent than finishitis? And why is startitis so prevalent with the things that we want to do but not with the things that we need to do? I should stop starting projects and I should start on my Level 2 homework for the Master's Spinner's program..... but am I doing that? NO! My homework langours in my mind but never comes to fruition..... and while I sit here waiting for these pictures to upload, what do I do? Yes, I just started my Baby Surprise Sweater.... So I'm thinking that a weekend of UFOing might be beneficial.... go someplace retreaty and bring only items not finished so that I can put this behind me and start on my homework.....

Hmmm! A retreat.... I wonder would anyone else be interested in a pre-Christmas retreat?

Ruffled Feathers On The Road Home

For those who might be squeamish.... go to the next blog....
Hubby and I were on the road home yesterday, (a lovely country road I might add), and there in the oncoming traffic lane was a dead Grouse. If you remember, last week I was making bookmarks and they were quite lovely since I had used Grouse feathers to decorate them... I love grouse feathers. I think thay are some of the loveliest feathers out there. I diligently save them when Hubby has been hunting and brings home a grouse. They make lovely decorations for all kinds of crafts. So when I spied the road kill I quickly informed Hubby that I wanted to stop to get the bird for feather removal..... By the time Hubby realized I was serious we had gone a half kilometre or so down the road. Since there was no sign of taffic, we made a quick U-turn and headed back to where we saw the dead grouse. (I know, I know, I hear you calling me a redneck... suits me! Do you know how much those things are to buy?) Anyway, as we turned around and headed back to where the dead grouse lay, we noticed a truck coming toward us from the opposite direction. As we got closer to the dead grouse we noticed that the other truck was slowing down, but by that time we were already there. So we stopped and Hubby got out and picked it up and threw it into the back of our truck. The other gentleman driving the truck that had slowed down had obviously been about to do the same. He had pulled over to the other side after he had passed us and was about to get out when he realized what we were already doing. If a truck could huff in disgust that is what it did as it peeled out from the side of the road flicking dirt everywhere.

Hubby started to laugh because, as he said, "Ohhh there's ruffled feathers over roadkill!" Never, I expect, was that poor grouse so desired as he was in death. Said grouse is waiting to be plucked and fed to our big dog. The feathers will be sprayed with insecticide, and then hung out on the clothesline in a mesh bag, before being soaked in very hot water and then dried carefully for future dyeing or use as they are.

There are all kinds of lovely feathers that can be used for interesting embellishments. Besides liking grouse feathers, BlueJay feathers and Wood Pecker feathers as well as several kinds of duck, eagle, hawk and owl feathers make beautiful embellishments. I don't kill the birds to get the feathers but I will raid nests after they have been abandoned to get them. I also take advantage of already dead birds as I did with the grouse.

Once, I found a bird nest that was lined with bear hair. It was very coarse and very black. I have often thought about how cheeky the bird that built that nest must have been since plucking hair from a grown bear would be a feat indeed. Perhaps the bear was dead and the bird was plucking the fur from the carcass. But I like to think that these wonderful creatures can get away with doing things like stealing fur from an animal while it is still alive.

I remember seeing, one time, swallows divebombing our big old cat. I thought at the time that the birds were harassing him because he was their natural enemy and they viewed them as a threat to their nest. But since finding the bear fur lined nest I wonder if they were trying to pluck hair from my cat to make a softer nest.

Many animals will use fibre from other animals to line their nests. I used to live near a river, and when I was finished washing and sorting wool fibre, I would take the bits that I didn't want and throw it down over the bank of the river. I did this because seeds will grow in wool and seeding the steep slope of the bank was a stabilizing technique. Once the wool was thrown over the bank I would then throw down wildflower seeds into the wool and sometimes the seeds would take and grow. During the night a few days later I heard foxes crying and yelping quite close to my house. The next morning I investigated the area where I had heard the sounds and I discovered that they had been stealing the wool that I had thrown over a few days before. I had no idea why they had been doing that but thought that maybe they were just playing in it. Later, I was hiking through some nearby terain and discovered the foxes lair. It, by this time, had been abandoned and so I had a look. Inside and all around the area were little bits of the wool that I had thrown over the bank. They had been collecting that fibre for their lairs the night I heard them yelping. I like to think that they were looking to keep themselves and their young warm and of course wool would do the trick.

Animals may have to rely on their own fur and skills to survive.... but I think they are just as capable as humans of using what is in their enviroment as tools to aid their survival. We humans think we have the edge on nature.... that we are at the top of the food chain but sometimes I wonder. We go beyond the animals by polluting and overusing what is available to us. We are killing our planet. There has to be a way by which we can live that is more planet user friendly.

I will not go into a long speel about recycling or reducing our footprint. We hear tips and pointers every day for that. It is just nice to know that the animals are already using the things that are provided by nature.



When I stop on the road to pick up a dead grouse I feel proud that I am using something that is there to be used and ruffled feathers or not I am pleaased that there was somebody else who had the same idea. We may or may not be at the top of the food chain but we could sure take some lessons from the animals, we just have to be willing to watch and learn.....

Who Says Your Barn Has To Be Red.

Yeah, sure, a red barn looks nice. It's pretty and it makes everything around your place look idylic. Hubby and I have been building a shelter for our sheep, and while I call it a barn, it looks very little like what most people would call a barn. I would love to have a red barn with white trim boards but sometimes it is just not possible. I need a barn, and I need it now. I daily look up to the mountains and see those swirling clouds and I know there is snow in them. Each day I notice that the snow on the mountains is more and further down the sides. It is only a matter of time till those swirling clouds reach out a fist and hit us square in the jaw with a dump of snow. So while that red barn of my dreams taunts me constantly, we hurry to finish our shelter for the sheep. I haven't even started on the one for the alpacas.

Our barn is a design of mine that comes of necessity. While it is not the most beautiful thing in the world, I am quite proud of the fact that it is mostly made of recycled materials. Our little homestead has been hit hard by the Pine Beetle, and so all of those trees that we have had to cut down have been waiting to be used for some project. Enter stage right, barn! The structure is supported with 6 treated fenceposts that came from neighbours who had a few left over after building their fence. It is four feet high at the back, and five and a half feet at the front. We decided to make it low because it will be sheep using it, and while we can't stand up straight in there ourselves, we can stoop to rake out straw and poop. Sheep are low and so don't need head space. So why heat all that extra cubic footage. We then used 2x6 lumber to connect the fence posts and wrapped the whole thing in plastic that we got (free) from a local sawmill. (The plastic is used to cover the lumber when being transported). After that, we needed the bulk of the logs that we cut down to give the structure stability and weight. The logs are attached to the outside in an upright fashion with nails after having been sliced down the middle. They are side by side with as little space between them as possible. We haven't put the roof on yet. That job will be this week's work and we will have to use lumber for that. It is very rustic looking and is certainly not cute like the red barn of my dreams.


While building this structure, I have thought often about the pioneers of Canada who had to build shelters with little or nothing other than what they could take from the land. I can see that such a structure as Hubby and I have built would be luxurious by their standards. In addition, they probably would have had something not a whole lot different to live in, let alone house their animals in. It has been quite an eye opener for me to build this shelter and know that a hundred years ago a trapper and his family might have had nothing more than this to keep them safe during the winter months. Makes me appreciate what I have.

A friend of mine recently visited a farm where they live close to nature. They live off grid and so heat and light is a priority, but in building everything themselves they have maintained that creativity and beauty is also a priority. It is a nice dream to be able to do that, but you need a lot of people and a lot of time if you want beauty and creativity as part of your life when eeking out an existence with little or nothing other than the sweat of your brow and your imagination. Not everyone can pull off decoration. These people even had their greenhouses decorated with carvings and stonework.

I have been lying in bed at night and thinking about what I would do if I were moving to this country a hundred and fifty years ago and I had nothing other than something like my sheep shelter, to live in. It is understandable why people built sod houses for warmth. I think if I had a similar structure to my sheep barn for a home, I would wrap it in stone and then soil and give it a floor and one window in the front for light. In would go a small stove or fireplace for a heat source. It could be very cozy with all that soil around it sides and over the top. A bed in one corner and a bunk above for the kids would be sufficient for night time living. A table and benches, with the stove or fireplace, and a storage cabinet would be sufficient for daytime living, with maybe a chair or rocking chair to add to the comfort. But beauty certainly wouldn't be a priority, at least not right away. That would only come after basic needs were met. Perhaps during the winter when days are short and nights are long, if all our needs were met, then there would be time and energy for creativity.

I think the early settlers of Canada must have found their beauty in their surroundings. Time and work would have left them very little energy to explore the effort of beautifying their surroundings. Who has time to carve a headboard on a bed, for example, when trapping and hunting are the only ways of providing food. Summer would have been a busy time just keeping up with a garden and trying to remove stones from the soil. Carrying away roots and shrubs and weeding the plants that are able to be planted, would also zap your energy. It is no doubt a huge undertaking to provide for a family without the luxuries of today. Clothing would have to be made from scratch... sewing a seam by hand is much more time consuming than running a sewing machine down a seam. Roto tilling, and freezers have made life easy for us. Our ancestors did not have the ease and convenience of our modern day equipment. We are lucky and I think spoiled.

What it comes down to is that while some of us need the creative outlet of beautifying our world it can only come once our needs have been provided for. So in the end, if we can't beautify our own world we seek the beauty that nature provides. A sod house would have looked forlorn and dull until nature had taken it course and provided it with a covering of wild flowers native to the area. Those early settlers would have enjoyed the swirling clouds over the new fallen snow on the mountain, even as it precipitated the onslaught of winter.



So, who says your barn has to be red... beauty is in the eye of the beholder..... behold, my beautiful barn?

Alls well that ends well!

Sometimes it pays to procrastinate. I worked on the felted jacket most of the day yesterday but my friend ended up buying something else. So the felted jacket was put aside to be worked on at a later time. Now I can take my time and do some really cool things with it. Blue Herons and reeds be damned I can really play..... well I might still do the Blue Herons I might leave it as a vest since I haven't sewn in the sleeves yet. But whatever I do it will be relaxed. I finish my bookmarks though and that was fun. I even found the grouse feathers that I needed which is no small task since I knew the grouse feathers were in Hubby' heap in the workshop. Yikes!

Today will be a splendiferous day. I can tell. The sun is coming up painting all things orange and pink. Even the sheep. The sheep are grazing peacefully. The alpacas are chewing their cuds while watching... well just about everything. Oscar, the ram, is covered in frost which makes him look grey instead of black. Mornings like this are what owning a small farm are all about. We fed up the animals last night so that this Saturday morning wouldn't be a rush. Tea and toast can be eaten at leisure. I love the word leisure. It has a lovely way of easing off your tongue.

Last night while Hubby read the last of The Riddle to the daughters and moi, I started a toddler's sweater. I am using the yarn that I dyed in the last guild workshop which was supposed to be used for a scarf but I have already knit a bunch of the scarves and so I wanted to knit something else. It is knitting quickly and is looking lovely so far and also it is soft. I am knitting on large needles. It is a sport weight yarn and I am using size 5 mm. Very airy and light. Perfect for a little one.

I am off to a guild meeting this morning but first it is nice to feel at peace.

Procrastination! You are my middle name!

Yesterday I had a pile of work to do.... today I have the same pile of work to do. I have a commission that has to be completed by no later than tomorrow. All day yesterday I read my book... and while it was a good book I still had a commission to finish. Now this is not any commission this is a commission for a friend's wife's birthday... which is tomorrow. I have to get this done. So I didn't. Not only that but I didn't get my bookmarks finished. Today will be doubly busy as I have to get this done even if it means pulling an all nighter. It HAS to be finished. So why am I sitting here now doing this instead of working on my commission. Actually, I just looked up a picture of a Great Blue Heron and it looks like it won't be too hard to pull that off. I'm felting a jacket and embellishing it with a Blue Heron or two as time allows. A few reeds thrown in will make it look beautiful... meanwhile my bookmarks sit unfinished and they will have to be attended to today as well as the deadline for them is tomorrow. I am supposed to have a bunch of mini clothes done tomorrow, for decorating the Elves Christmas tree to be auctioned off but this is not a priority as I don't always support that function. I guess I'm here doing this because I like to write. This blog is an outlet for that form of creativity. What it comes down to is that deaadlines cause pressure and I hate pressure. I will always pick something fun over something that creates tension. What does that say about me?

Like I said, I hate deadlines. Even when I was in university I had trouble getting things finished in time to meet deadlines. My profs would often cringe when they saw me coming because they knew I was seeking an extension. What I need to remember is that sometimes extensions are not a part of the real world. It is difficult to get inspired until the date looms and then I work like a demon. If I could motivate myself into working like a demon all the time then I would be just amazing.

I know there are others out there like me but people don't talk about procrastination much. It is a taboo topic. It drives me bananas when people talk about their Christmas shopping and they are finished by October and I am only just starting to think about Christmas gifts. I remember sewing on Christmas eve till three oclock in the morning trying to get dress up clothes finished for daughter #1 and daughter #2 because I had missed the boat and had not been able to order the things they wanted because the store had sold out. So being an idiot, and not wanting to disappoint the daughters, I had decided to sew the costumes instead. See my intentions were good but.....

What I want to know is how can you retrain someone like me? Is it even possible? Am I a hopeless case?

My intentions are good but it is said by some that the road to hell is paved on good intentions. Mind you, it is also said that intention is nine tenths of the law. So where does that leave me... in jail... or on the rooad to hell.... either way I'm hooped! I guess I had better go and turn intention into reality.