Best Laid Plans

Right well my work was supposed to go in the mail today. It is still sitting on the coffee table as I have put in the worst 24hrs with a really bad back.... at least I am hoping that is what is going on. Since the trip down the river in late August I have been carefully nursing what was up to that point a back that would only give problems occasionally but lately (since the trip) it has done a complete nose dive and is giving me trouble like never before... and even medication is doing nothing. For 4 days after the trip I could barely walk with a bad case of sciatica that stemmed from a prolapsed disk in my lower spine which I have known about for years. It seemed to clear up and then yesterday evening it came back.  But this time along with the sciatica came a really bad case of spastic muscles in my lower left leg calf. My leg does not want to hold me up. My muscles in that area are permanently contracted and they will not ease up. I have tried the new bath and it feels lovely while I am in the tub...but the minute I lift myself out... I am back to square one. Going up steps has become a lesson in patience as my left leg will not work.... basically what is happening is the nerves that exit my spinal cord at the site of the prolapsed disk are being squeezed. They are being slowly and inexorably damaged. I have seen a specialist about this problem and he has told me two things which will affect any decision I make regarding my future back issues...

1. I have had already three surgeries in this area. This means there is an abundance of scar tissue. Scar tissue for a surgeon is like a mine field. The specialist will not even contemplate corrective surgery, which involves a spinal fusion, without an MRI..... I am seriously claustrophobic. I tried to do an MRI a few years ago and I made it in to my nose.... then panicked.... I couldn't breath... I didn't stop running until I got to the great outdoors. (I'm not kidding!) If ever I try to go back in that machine again I will need serious drugs to get me through.... like, knock me out drugs. I also have a fear that an MRI (magnetic resonance imager) will turn me into a human magnet since I have a 15 inch steel rod in my back. Going into my back for the surgeon, without an MRI is like traveling through a mine field blind folded and I could be left in a wheel chair.... this scares the $h!t out of me!!!

2. I was advised that since I already have 15 spinal fusions for spinal scoliosis that having another spinal fusion would mean a lot more limited movement in my back. Already my spine has limited movement and adding the one at the bottom would mean that I might not be able to turn... swivel.... you get my drift. To turn around I would have to turn my complete body. Also I would be that much more ramrod straight..... there would only be 4 discs left absorbing shocks and that would seriously alter my lifestyle so basically I want to seriously think about this surgery before going through with it.... the doctor said that I really need to postpone it as long as I can.

It has been 8 years since the last surgery.... but with my leg now starting to go spastic I'm thinking that surgery is definitely in my future and probably nearer than I think.... that is if I can face the dark minuscule hole that is the MRI machine.

So the plan is to drug myself for the next few days with serious quantities of anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants, and pain killers, hope that this pain goes away soon and stays away, for at least 6 months. I will also try really hard to get a decent night's sleep so that I can function. Then I will get my books in the mail to my instructor as soon as I can get to the post office... which will happen before the weekend since I will call in the help of Teapot or Fadder if I have to.

Amen to best laid plans.

Tee Hee Dingle Dork!!!!!

I think I am a little punch drunk... it is 10:04 p.m. and I'm done. Tee Hee... giggle giggle!

Level 3 that is!   I just packaged it up for the mail...... It goes in the mail tomorrow...... : ) a bigger grin you could not see.... I think I'm smiling so much that I'm lighting up the night with the sheen from my teeth..... been at it all day today and got a nice 2ply and then on my first try I got my 3 ply..... it's not perfect but I'm happy with it... the tpi is bang on even if the grist is off.

Now I just have to wait for my mark.... argh!

I think I'll go take a bath....... except I'm so tired I might drown..... maybe I'll get Teapot to hold me up.... hee hee hee hee ha ha haha ha! See I told you I was punchy.....!

Enough About That....

Level 3.... I'm really ready to jump!

Still on that first commercial yarn...I can't get the grist right. Argh! I am now on the sixth try.  If I get the grist right then I get the tpi wrong... if I get the tpi right then I get a lot of inconsistencies... Oh I am sooo tired of it. Today I will try a different yarn for my 2 ply commercial yarn...either that or I will give the two ply a break and try the 3 ply. I wanted this in the mail today.... well, you can see how successful I was at that..... so enough about that!

It is raining again today after another full day of rain.... I've never seen such weird weather. What we are getting is what we usually get in the spring. Weird!  We even lost the power on Saturday night.... very strange weather. Enough about that....

I have been wanting to say welcome to the two new followers on my follower list. Every so often I will go looking for blogs that I enjoy and I hope you find things here that you enjoy too.....

Dinner at the parents place last evening was interesting....(and the fact that I am mentioning it here must mean that it was superlative)... I gave the parents an overview of what I had written on my blog yesterday.... To show you all how the world has turned up-side-down, my parents in a complete switch from their normal habit, agreed with each other and said that I was completely wrong!  I was terribly happy because I gave them something to be united about and that is rare. : ) I came away from their house with (almost) a smile on my face...... it was worth baring my soul to the world on a topic that is so controversial just to see them as a united front.  It was also good to get a different perspective. Interesting how their generation sees things so differently... the gist of their argument was that they both valued the ditch digger as much as the lawyer.... (actually when I thought about it I couldn't disagree with them but then lawyers are such bottom dwellers not given a whole lot of respect either... and they do have their own jokes!) Anyway maybe it is a generation thing.... Mudder said that when she was young women who went to work were not given any respect or value... women were expected to stay home with their children so it has turned around just in one generation... interesting! Still though a little liberal arts can't hurt really.  Maybe it will make us all a little more open to our fellow people.... Enough about that....

Hi ho hi ho I'm off to try those commercial yarns again.... it is a good day for it... rain, rain, rain, dull, dull, dull, spin, spin, spin... maybe I should drink some wine, it might make my spinning better!.... too bad I'm allergic to it..... : ( ... well enough about this..... I'm off...

Liberal Arts vs The New World

I'm listening to CBC radio this morning... a past time that takes a lot of my time since Teapot and I do not have a hook up to television channels. Michael Enright is having an interesting interview with a Professor of Liberal arts, Martha Nussbaum... as an aside she is an American, not that that has any real significance other than requirements in American Universities may be different than in Canadian.... If you have read my Background Information then you know that I studied the liberal arts in university some twenty years ago. Philosophy was my major area of study and even though I received honours in my degree and a lovely little scholarship, even though it was one of the most exciting times of my life, - one of the most important seasons of growth and openness to new ideas for me, it did not provide me with the tools to go out in the world to get a job. And jobs are significant to our intrinsic value... at least that is the way the world acts.

Begin rant:
I have had a difficult time all through my adult life with maintaining value in the world of modern day society. I, as an unemployed, housewife (which to me is a derogatory term) have little or no value. I do not work so I DO nothing other than raise my children... which for all intents and purposes does not hold  value.  It irritates me no end when people say, "but you are raising your children.... and that is of value", and then act like you haven't a brain in your head. The person who works in a high powered job with a 6 digit salary is of much more value to society than I am. They too, raise children but maintain a high powered job while I sit on my derierre at home sweeping floors and cleaning toilets..... They hire a maid.

But that doesn't mean that I don't have significantly deep thoughts... that doesn't mean that my life is directionless or purposeless. I fear our society has entered a new age of darkness where we place value more on survival than on any other directive in our lives.

 I do realize that we need money to survive and that the more money we have the more likely is our ability to survive.... at least in this day and age where food, shelter and clothing are attained via money.... ahhh, we come down to it... don't we... and I know this is going to make me sound like an anti-capitalist.....but I'm not. I do believe in chasing after your dreams and if that includes making $600,000.00 a year then go for it.... but what we have done is changed our society so that it is no longer free.... it is mandatory that we seek the highest amount of money that we can, in order for our lives to be important. If we do not then we are passed over as "less than" not "more than".  Unfortunately we look up to those who have big houses, fast cars, big screen TVs , and three week vacations in exotic locations, as our foremost thinkers, leaders,.... and they, and only they, are successful at life.

Yin yang reigns supreme right now.... to be honest.... there is a part of me that believes too that survival through accumulation is a most important goal.... I have been steeped in that philosophy so it is difficult to think otherwise and perhaps we are wired as, primarily, animals to survive at all costs.  There are moments when I set aside the fact that quads permeate the air with pollution, and covet terribly the joy of those people speeding by my house on sunny Sunday afternoons down the trails laughing boisterously as they speed through the forest on those very fun vehicles... (that's just one small example of what I covet) but what it comes down to is a differentiation between need and want.... between  self-centered-ness and social conscience.  I don't need a quad, I can't afford a quad, and would I want one if I could?  I hope not.... they are vehicles that, though use low amounts of gasoline to get someone from one place to another, are terrible polluters of the air due to lack of emissions control, and have been known to decimate terrain over which they travel.

I am not a socialist, though I do believe that we are all a part of a global family and that caring for those around us is important..... and that includes recognizing the intrinsic value of all human beings.  I choose not to work.... therefore I have landed in the pool of snakes that makes me a "less than"!

So, to talk about Martha Nussbaum's philosophy,... she believes that the liberal arts are an important part of a university education. That studying Socrates, and Plato, and ethics,.... Heideger, and Kant, and lagalism will make better societies..... I'm not so sure it will.  Value is not placed on these ideas until we come to them of our own accord.

I would like to see education and consciousness of social liberalism start prior to University. Young men and women should be talking about their feelings of fitting into the society of their schools long before they reach the age of majority. For starters it would help to lessen bullying. We begin at such an early age to marginalize our youth.... we force on them the inhibitions that we hold ourselves and  in so doing give them the tools for a life of doing the same to others. Girls are taught at such a young age to bare their skin in an effort to appeal to the opposite sex..... boys are taught that showing emotion is wrong.... and all in the name of value.  We value less the girl who wears blouses that cover their throat that wear big glasses... that has acne... We value less the boy that cries at movies.... that is ashamed that they are not sports oriented.

We are all different.... and we should be taught from the earliest consciousness to accept the differences among us. No one is less valued for the Fisher Price toy they own.... no one one is less valued because they pee in their pants.... (yes it goes as far back as that).

Will it change? Perfection is not possible.  Can we be better? Absolutely. The next time you meet someone who has different ideals think, "Are they so different from me....?"

If you ask someone what they want out of life.... I'll bet you, they'll say something like this.... People who care about me.... enough to be comfortable..... a happy and healthy life... respect and trust..... and a feeling of intrinsic worth.

Not so different now are we.

Random Thoughts On A Finer Marnin' You Couldn't Have

6:00 a.m.

Coyotes on the horizon.... they're yipping in the freezing morning air. There was a frost last night... but a mild one.  The sun will be up soon and the sky looks as if it will be blue. A flock of geese are flying low, calling to each other in their V.  They must be looking for freshly threshed grain in the fields....whether they find it or not depends on if the rain of the last few weeks has spoiled the oats that the farmers around here planted last spring for their cattle.  Did I mention before, that this is cattle/bison country? Lots of ranches raising cattle/bison.... so what's a shepherd doing in the midst of all this?

7:00 a.m.

Calm... there's not a breath of wind. What a perfect morning to go canoeing.... wish I were on the river now. Coffee and cinnamon toast smells marvelous. The dew on the deck is sparkling brilliantly in the morning sunshine. Not a cloud in the sky. Trip to FSJ later this morning... will be shedding my duties as secretary for the NPSW. That will be good.... I don't think I made a really reliable secretary.... live too far away and winter snows aggravate driving.... shan't miss it.

8:00 a.m.

Dogs stirring... must need to go out. There is nothing more pleasant than seeing a happy dog go streaking out the door first thing in the morning to chase birds and the black cat and then stand with it nose to the air catching scent of what might have been around in the night.... all is right with the world. Ducks go by not too far away I can hear them but I cannot see them they must be headed south. Winter is coming.... I can feel it. Here comes the cat purring around my feet must be looking for his crunchies.... miss Oozle.... I hope he had a good death.

8:30 a.m.

Drip... drip.... drip.... the dew dripping from the roof is sparkling in the sunshine.  There are spiders in several spots outside the window... large.... quiet... they wait for their next meal to fly unbidden into their invisible webs. Soon they will hibernate for the winter.  The horse is nibbling.... soft lips moving over the ground.... looking for the newly greened grass. Chestnut flanks ripple in the sunshine... no wonder people think horses beautiful.... they are.

8:49 a.m.

Farm life is worth it.... but must go and prepare for the day.... AGM minutes to photocopy. All is quiet in this small house in the north country. But soon it will be bustling with life.... soon it will be filled with the mayhem that is my family. It is good to be surrounded by life.....

Weather, Dreams And On Goes The Year

Well, I have to say that the weather around here has been totally screwy. The grass is turning green and the leaves have turned yellow, orange, and red. Normally we got long lovely days in the fall where you can sit out and dye yarn in the bright sunshine on the deck but this year the weather has just been gross. For about a month now it has been cool, and wet... I begged all summer for a little rain but it just didn't happen. Now I'm wishing for sunshine. Does that make me a dissatisfied old shrew or is it just that the weather patterns are changing.  I have not had my head up my butt for the last ten years and do realize that global warming is a real threat. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. (But don't worry I'm not going to go on an environmental rant right now.)

Teapot took his class yesterday off to the local outdoor centre where they are learning canoe skills as part of their gym curriculum. How lucky is that. Teapot makes an awesome teacher.... I mean I never got to learn canoeing skills when I was in school!

I miss Teapot when he is not around. Last night I put in a terrible night. Thinking that I would be cold without the warmth of his body next to me, I threw on an extra blanket. This was not a good idea. I always have bad dreams when I am too warm at night. And so it came to pass, that all night long I was dreaming about the end of the world and wraiths sucking out the souls of the people who were fleeing before them in terror. I knew I was warm and I had this weird sense that I was dreaming and that it was not real but I couldn't wake myself up long enough to throw off the extra blanket. It was very disturbing.  As a result, this morning I am feeling quite off.... I'm not sure my brain and body are on the same page.  I just wish it were sunny, that would cheer me up, but it is not, and I look out on the grey skies and the dull sheep and horse and wonder what happened to the lovely days of fall that I was sooo looking forward to.

Last night was Thursday, and we began knit nights again after a four month hiatus. I finally finished those lace gloves that I was working on all of last year. And what's more is, I took back the thumb. (I don't have a thumb on my right hand... and was born that way, for those of you who are new here). So now the gloves are mine. I rarely, if ever knit anything for myself, and all last year I would look at the gloves as they were progressing and positively covet them.... and finally last night I made the big decision to keep them for me.

I don't have the camera, (Teapot took it with him) so this picture of the one glove, taken a while back will have to suffice. They were knit with a yarn that I spun a few years ago and then dyed with Avocado pits. This picture doesn't really do them justice. But it gives you an idea of what they look like..... very Jane Eyre don't you think?

With the temperatures dipping and there being so much rain I am beginning to think of knitting projects. I began knitting two years ago a shawl out of a hand spun yarn from Karaoke rovings.... which is a blend of soy silk and Merino wool. It looked awesome but then I ran out of yarn and so I thought well I'll just order some more rovings and spin it up. Off and on during the winter last year I would sit at one of my secondary wheels and spin yarn for that project. So, now that I have the lace gloves finished I am going to get out that shawl and continue on because I have a great honking ball of Karaoke finished and waiting to be knitted.

Yesterday, the sun shone for just a little while and I stepped out on the deck for a nice breath of fresh air. It was then that I noticed a leaf had fallen on the deck and had a great drop of water pooled in the centre.... I had to take a picture....

I looked around me and saw great water droplets on many of the plants that adorn my deck.... I'll leave you today with a couple of those pictures....

Hope you have a fine day....

Of Mice And Men

Phone rings!
Ding a linga ling....

Me: Hello?!

Friend: Blah blah blah blah blah. (conversation ensues but I won't bore you with our chit chat.....)

After a while....

Me: Oh yeah I wrote a blog post the other day regarding that very same topic.... if you want to know my views you should read it and I'd love your comments....

Friend: Well how do you leave comments?

Me: You click on the word comments at the end of the post and you just follow the instructions. It's very easy.

Friend: Ok

Me: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  ( I won't bore you with the remainder of that conversation...)

It was after that, that I noticed a comment on one of my blog posts, but, I must admit, it wasn't what I was anticipating...

Someone has serious issues with...

I sweated for a few days wondering who it could be because it couldn't be my friend.... I looked on the stat counter and found out that the person leaving those "rude" remarks was from Kamloops...... I thought who in the world has mouse issues....

Now, I'll be honest, pictures of mice and the real thing running around your house are two very different things. Regularly my old black cat, who is a great mouser deposits mice on my doorstep as an offering.... or I should say parts of mice..... It's quite gruesome...

But at Christmas time I love my Christmas mice decorations. And pictures of them are quite alright.... Those little whiskery noses are cute.... (the paws are disgusting though)!

Mice do have their place in nature. There are many animals that survive only because they eat mice. Many hawks and birds of prey exist mainly on a diet of mice. Coyotes, though the farmers around here won't admit it.... love mice and eat thousands of them. So in a way we really need mice.   It is a good thing that they breed so quickly because all those animals in the wild that eat them would starve.

Anyway, I kept thinking about the person who had left rodent remarks. She even told me to get my EYES CHECKED when I said they were cute!!!! Hmmm.... : (

I began to stew, and Teapot kept telling me to get over it.....he reminded me that not everybody is going to be positive about everything I say..... and he had a point.

Yesterday, I was looking at the stat counter again and I noticed that the Kamloops commenter was coming back regularly and it was then that it dawned on me that the unexpected comment came just after the phone conversation that you read above..... well, being the "awesome sleuth" (smirk) that I am, I started to think about the person from Kamloops..... hmmm... my server says that I come from Calgary,and Red Deer most often..... but occasionally from Edmonton and I am nowhere near that..... so possibly the Kamloops person was not really from Kamloops, maybe it was just her server routing her through there...... hmmm!

Phone rings......
Ding a linga ling.....

Me: Hello?!

Friend: Yadda yadda yadda yadda  (further conversations ensue.....).

After a while I get the guts up to ask.....

Me: Did you ever leave comments on my blog.....

Friend: Yes?!!! Sure you answered them....

Me: (dawning light coming on in my head) Ohhhh! That was you!!!!

Friend: Yeah! I figured you had to know...

Me: (with relief in my voice) Right! You're the one with rodent issues!

Friend: Well you know I hate mice....

Me: But you're coming up as someone from Kamloops....

Friend: I am...?!!!!  I'm the lady from Kamloops... ha ha ha ha ha...

Me: You gave me quite a turn.

I must say that I got off the phone and had a good laugh over the whole misunderstanding.....

So to my friend who has rodent issues....

You can knit 'em!

You can eat 'em!

You can laugh at 'em!

You can have coffee with 'em!

You can go to church with 'em!

You can even get drunk with 'em!

But never, ever, ever, tease your friends about them..... ; )

I know... I know..... "I'm such a brat!" : )