The Perfect Day

The above painting is called the perfect day. I'm not sure what my perfect day would look like. Once I would have known. I would have said that it involved spending time with Teapot (currently known as Sir Arsewipe)... it would have involved drinking tea made in a teapot over an open fire in the bush... or maybe a paddle on the river.... But now that is certainly not what I would want as a perfect day.  What would be the point? We barely talk to each other anymore and generally when we do I am either pissing him off or he is pissing me off, so spending a day with him would be far from perfect. My perfect day would certainly involve relaxing, if I could just turn off my brain for a little while. I would love to have time for a sit in the sun on a beach. Maybe walking along the sand or through the rolling surf... maybe even making a sand castle. This is a part of my life that I have denied since meeting Sir Arsewipe.  He has never been one to encourage beachy activities and honestly we haven't had the time or the inclination, mostly due to the fact that we had other priorities. I think there is a me that has long been buried under responsibility and obligations. Since moving to this community, I have given up so much of my time to volunteer activities and while at first that was o.k. I am realizing how much of my life was taken away not only with my volunteer activities but also with Sir Arsewipe's activities too. I mean if you volunteer at the same things then it seems to be ok... but if you volunteer at different organizations then you don't see each other very often.

I have spent this last night reflecting on that.  Sir Arsewipe's interests have taken him far from me... while I used to think that this wee town was a good place to live, I am realizing that as the volunteer capital of the world, really it has taken away every opportunity we ever had at becoming closer. Sir Arsewipe and I have been traveling along different paths for a while. After we moved here he took up curling and while I like to watch curling sometimes, I really can't be bothered to curl. I took up the church and while I was very involved with that Sir Arsewipe resented pancake breakfasts and potluck dinners and all the time that it took each week for me to prep for services and write sermons. Sir Arsewipe got involved with the Rangers and Junior Rangers and while I tried the last for a while... quite honestly it bored me to tears. In addition, while I think it is an awesome program, I hate working with youth (unless they are my own youth... I quite enjoy that). I was heavily involved with the spinners and weavers and that bored Sir Arsewipe to tears. So really we have been moving in opposite directions for a while. Especially since he has gotten involved with..... oh yeah I can't mention that yet.  While he likes hunting I got turned off that when I went hunting a few years ago and missed my target slightly but winged a deer. If you wing a deer and don't get a direct hit it feels pretty awful. It left me reeling to see the hurt I caused that animal and know that I didn't kill it. For days I searched the forest looking for the body of that deer and never did find it. It truly turned me off from hunting... as a matter of a fact I haven't picked up a gun since. Also, I like to build things he hates it. He likes to go to bed at three a.m. and get up late in the morning... I like to go to bed at ten and get up at five... these don't make for a happy relationship. While I thought we were big enough to get around these problems and I thought we had gotten around them and respected each other's interests and habits, I realize now that they did nothing to add to our "love". (I'm not sure I would call it that since he seems to feel that he never loved me).  Our differences go on and on and on... that's not to say that we didn't have likes that were similar... if we hadn't I'm sure we would never have lasted as long as we have.  But our differences abound. For one thing, I am is a nurturer... Sir Arsewipe resoundingly is not... he tends to think of himself first... even with all his volunteer activities. He has never done a blessed thing with the financial end of our marriage other than bring home the paycheck and do the taxes at the end of the year.

With all of the time I have had this summer I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the many differences between us and there are many. Sir Arsewipe sees himself as a martyr. when he does things he does them because he sees himself as a generous and giving guy and while that is the outward appearance I have realized that generosity is not the same as obligation. he also does these things because he feels he should. And that is not free giving. I mean he married me out of obligation because he felt he shouldn't tell me that he wasn't happy since I had broken up with a guy so that I could go out with him. (It's complicated.) When all he did in his misguided martyrdom was hurt and ruin my chances for a good life. I was devoted to him... but well I'm pretty sure he was not devoted to me.

Anyway enough about Sir Arswipe.  He takes up way too much of my time and thoughtful energy.

Getting back to my perfect day.... My perfect day would be to spend it at the beach... not necessarily swimming (I'd swim if it weren't too cold)... just wading and walking and staring at the waves with a little bit of wool and maybe a spindle to make cotton yarn (you can't use wool at the beach that would be sacrilege) and I might bring along a good book... but something light like a mystery or a romance, you don't want a heavy book at the beach. I would like to have a picnic of plain chips and orange crush and some mini cucumbers with cheddar cheese and sliced turkey on the side with nanaimo bar for desert. I would sit there and stare at the waves or take the dogs walking along the shore dabbling my feet in the water and maybe throw sticks for the dogs to fetch and then do a little beach combing and check out the shells and hermit crabs in the tidal pools and maybe climb around some of the cliffs looking for sea urchins. Then as the hot summer sun was setting I would pack up my chair and towel and picnic stuff, my book and spindle and I would head back to my car as the sun sank beneath the horizon. I would head home to a nice supper and a warm shower to wash off all the sand and then I would get ready for bed with the windows open to the cool night breeze off the ocean.

Could there be any other better day? Maybe if I could share it with someone of like mind and we could walk back to the car holding hands after a very satisfying and relaxing day.