Motherhood Struggles

All year I have been watching as Daughter #1 becomes much more independent. Daughter #2 is growing up too. Daughter #2 will be going into high school next fall. This is her last year as an elementary student. I will watch her go off to her first day of high school just as I watched Daughter #1 do last fall. Both of them have had their ups and downs in school this year as they do each year, but I am proud of both of them they have done outstandingly well (knock wood).

Daughter #2 has, at the end of this week coming a camping trip to a nearby outdoor learning centre. She has gone there many times before, so I am not overly anxious about it besides it is only a half hour ride from our home and if anything should ever go wrong, then it would only be a short ride to go and pick her up.

Daughter #1 has, at the end of this week, a bit of a longer trip. She will be heading off with the Academic Ethics Honour Group for a trip to a location about 14 hours away. I am anxious. She is almost 15 so I am trying (really hard) to remember what it was like when I was 15, to go off with a group from school for trips of this nature. She will be having a grand old time at different venues but I'll be honest.... I can't wait till she gets back. Teapot doesn't seem to be worried at all and I know you can't hold on to them forever.... you have to let them go eventually ..... but I'll be honest.... it's really hard. 'What If' rears it's ugly head in my mind on a regular basis. It is easy for bad things to happen.

Being a parent has never come easy for me.... from my earliest struggles of being just about thirty and having had two previous miscarriages and worrying if I would ever have a child and for that matter if I was ready to have a child, to struggling with the idea that at some point I was going to have to pass something about the size of a good sized Honeydew melon through a portion of my body that didn't look like it could stretch that far, to sitting on the floor of the porch crying because preparing for a trip to the Doctor's office for a check-up was not going to happen after baby had spewed its guts over itself for the fifth time. None of parenting has been fun but I can safely say that having children was the best achievement of my life. Winning a Noble Peace Prize wouldn't have come close. Parenting has been the scariest, most heart stopping roller coaster ride I have ever been on while at the same time it has been the hardest, most exhausting thing to figure out more so than.... well I don't know what.

Two days ago a close friend of my family had a grandson die at the age of 18 in a car accident and it is at times like this that I reflect on my children and how much I want to hold on to them and keep them safe. You want to keep them close but in doing so, you are doing them no favours. They need to get out and see the world and experience things for themselves. You can't just keep them wrapped in a bow and sitting on a shelf to take down and hug when the mood strikes. That's not how it works. They are not yours no matter what you think.... you may have brought them into the world but as soon as that cord was cut they became their own and that needs to be celebrated.

So Daughter #1 will go off on her trip..... and I will think about the bus and an accidents and the tents and tornadoes and getting lost in the malls and being coaxed to go off with a stranger and never finding them again. I will think all sorts of horrible things but mostly I will hope... hope that my Daughter comes back to me safe and sound and that her life will be full of wonder and pleasant discoveries as she walks the same walk of independence that I once took.

Daughter #2 will soon be in the same position but in the mean time I will hold on a little longer as I won't be able to much longer.

I think I will go and give them a great big hug.

Rice and Lamb

I never thought about it and I have to say that I felt pretty bad about it after, but last night I served Teapot Teryaki rice and lamb. Under normal circumstances this would have been good but poor Teapot... he could barely get it down. And he never said a word....

Queen, our merino sheep is an old girl and this year she lambed a twin.... twins are hard on a ewe at the best of times but this old girl seemed to be having a really bad time. We've been watching her and she really doesn't want to feed her lambs at all. However, she does let them suck every now and again just to keep her bag from hurting. The lambs are not thriving under these conditions. This week after Coal and Mishka finished dating in the solitary confinement pen, we put Queen and Zig and Zag in to the solitary confinement pen, that way she wouldn't have to fight with the others to get to the food. She seemed to be wasting away. Teapot got into the pen and trimmed her hooves which needed trimming and checked her bag for mastitis. All seemed well.... but it was as he was getting her on her feet that we discovered that there was more wrong than we were aware.

Teapot noticed that part of her wool was coming off in a flap..... this at the best of time is not good.

We had alway heard of a problem called Fly Strike. It is nasty and starts when a sheep gets a cut... the flies strike alright. They lay eggs in the cut and then when they hatch the maggots basically eat the sheep's flesh. It lifts the wool off the animal like a sheet and leaves a really raw patch underneath. The sheep languishes and will eventually die if not caught early enough.

Teapot got down to it and cleared away the wool and cleaned out the maggots the best he could and her poor flesh was terrible. We proceeded to shear the old girl and now she has a patch of raw bare flesh the size of a dinner plate. I'm worried. I'm not sure the wool will grow back in that place..... which is a worry with -40 degrees of winter looming in the distance.

It was after Teapot came in from cleaning up the mess of maggots on her haunch that I served him a plate of lamb and rice! I had no idea that he would look at supper and think about the mess he just cleaned. Need I say more?!

Jiggs ran away this week. It was about ten in the night. She took off after Teapot scolded her for scaring Queen and her lambs. She disappeared into the forrest with her leash trailing behind her. I spent 1 1/2 hours looking for her and calling her and no sign of her and dark falling I felt that hopefully she would come home on her own. She didn't disappoint. Woo hoo! She is starting to know that our home is her home. It was almost midnight when she arrived at the kitchen door and though she wouldn't come for Teapot she did come for me. Good girl.

It has been a busy week with the big j.c. progressing. The sleeves are finally done and I am starting to sew everything together. Shearing has also been a time consumer this week. We are almost finished the alpacas and will get them done today. There are still a few sheep to be done but they are being butchered in the fall so will not be requiring thick fleeces for the winter.... I'm not worried about how late it has gotten for those animals.

Dexter is the latest alpaca to receive his haircut. He looks very different. Here's before....
This is Dexter after the shearing.

Another week ahead of shearing and the big j.c. and the countdown to Level 4 is ticking off day by day.... I have received word of my official extension on level 3.... I have till the end of the summer to finish my work. But I still get to do the level 4 course. I will not be allowed to do that next year.... level 5 is a whole different ball park. I do have to come up with a thesis topic for this year. It has to be approved before I can stat and that has to be finished by the time level 6 rolls around. I have two in mind but am having a hard time choosing which one I want to do..... I wonder if they will let me do both.

So there you have it..... what's happening in your neck of the woods?

How Interesting... I've Never Seen that Before!

Let me tell you about the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees..... oooooh.... and a thing about love!

Yes this was the weekend of luuuv.

With a grunt and what can only be described as.... weird..... I actually don't know how to describe the noises ... actually I can't quite describe any of it.... it was all too foreign....

Let me begin at the beginning. It's the season for shearing alpacas. So on Saturday we started. I decided that this was the year that Mishka (my only female alpaca) would be bred. Coal was the successful applicant mostly because he doesn't have any relation to Mishka that I know of. Breeding works better if there is very little hair in the way, so with that in mind Teapot and I got down to it and sheared, first Mishka, and then Coal. We have a little fold/paddock that we can close off from the other where a sick sheep or a nursing and worn out momma can go. If there's an injury or someone needs to go into solitary confinement for a while then that's the place for them. When we finished with Mishka we put her in there and then we went to work on Coal. It generally takes about fifty minutes to deal with one of those animals from the time you catch them, get the halter on them walk/carry/encourage/kick them to the table, where you use a wrestling manouver to flip them onto their side on the table and proceed to tie their head down as well as both front legs and back legs. At that point you take a deep breath and get the shears. We have a set of electric shears and Teapot welds them very well but there have been problems in past years as the alpacas like to roll in the dirt and a set of blades per animal is about what it takes to finish. As a point of reference one set of blades will do all of my sheep. Teapot works on the body starting from the tummy up over the side and then forward to the front shoulder and then back to the hip and bum. Then he shears along the back bone and up the neck which is where the problem begins. When the blades hits that back bone and neck area there is so much dirt from rolling that the blades go dull almost instantly. That is why I now buy a set of cheap scissors to work along the backbone and around the back of the neck. I also give my alpacas a doo on top cleaning up any missed wool around where the halter is. Gingerly we then untie all ropes and flip the animal over who really wants off the table by now and is having nothing to do with co-operating. Once on the other side Teapot again ties them down and the whole process begins again. As soon as the fleece is off I begin grading it and separating it into different bags. Meanwhile Teapot is now giving the alpaca a manicure. They have funny feet, it is not a hoof at all... it is more like a birds foot with a pad like a dog's and two nails sticking out. These grow constantly and twice a year need to be clipped. After that, if their teeth need to be cut, we do it with a dremel tool and a piece of leather to protect their mouth. I squirt water at the teeth while Teapot cuts them and enamel flies everywhere. After that we give them a shot for disease and a shot for parasites..... then we untie them and get them back on their feet, lead them back to their stall and then we all go for a drink before starting the next one. We do two a day as we find more than that is just too much.

This year instead of leading Mishka back to the far paddock with the ewes and lambs, we brought her over to the small pen. Then Coal got his work done at which time he was lead to the small pen too. Daughter #1 and I sat and watched (I felt like a voyeur). Daughter #2 who was too squeemish took off for the house. Teapot was doing other stuff around the yard but was able to see. Hmmm.....

Coal sniffed her nether regions and Mishka sniffed his and they did that for quite a while all the while circling each other. About five or ten minutes of this occurred and just when the other alpacas in their own paddock, were starting to roll their eyes because it was taking so long, finally Coal got his mind around the idea that this was THE FEMALE and jumped on her hind quarters.....

She laid her ears back and wasn't sure about this but automatically went down on the ground assuming the position.... (it's a good thing I knew they mated while on their knees) He got down to business and sat there with a glazed look in his eye making the weirdest noises which I can safely say I've never in my life heard before. He puffed out his cheeks, he groaned and grunted, he sighed and wheezed all at the same time. But there was no doubt that he was quite happy. She on the other hand was kind of looking back at him with a look that indicated a cross between boredom, indignation and curiosity. I don't think she was against it but she didn't look like she was particularly enjoying the process either. This went on for quite a while..... a good half hour. Daughter #1 and I got bored and wandered off, but Teapot says they got up for a bight to eat and then went at it again..... then that was it, except Coal was a little wobbly in the hind legs for a while. It was all over.... I went out a little later and Coal was nuzzling Mishka and Mishka was obviously in love with him..... but then today they were kind of stand offish..... well I figured the fire works were over and so this evening Mishka is back with the ewes and Coal is back with his very horny brothers..... You would never know that in the womb of that woolly white body lurks a miracle in the form of an embryo... well at least we hope.

So there you have it..... 11 1/2 months from now hopefully there will be a baby alpaca.... which is also called a Cria.

I can't wait...... It will be something else I've never seen.

Panic

Awwwwwwww!

Sheep need to be sheared..... they should have been done two months ago.

Alpacas need to be sheared.....

The big j.c..... that's all I'm doing.

Level 3.... oh dear.... I guess I'd better email the college.... I'm going to need that extension.

Arggh!

Birds, Birds, Birds....

They're everywhere.

There are Cowbirds in the paddocks with the animals. I generally don't like Cowbirds much, because they are really hard on Robins. They push the Robin eggs out of the Robin's nests and lay their own eggs and then leave them for the Robins to raise. Mind you, the Robins are really stupid if they don't realize that their eggs are no longer there. Lately though, the paddocks have been full of Cowbirds. The Cowbirds turn over the poop and check underneath for grubs and beetles etc.... it's a smorg of yummies for them. Mmmmm... my favorite poop covered beetles!

Then you have the Robins who fly about the yard and then hop along the ground looking for worms. They find very few around here so they must be doing pretty good with the Pine Beetle since there are so many.

After the Robins there are the Swallows. There are tons of them. We have a nesting pair defending their young from the peak of the shed. I like Swallows except they tend to carry parasites none of which you want in your home. So that's why if I see them making nests around the house I knock the nest down and force them to go elsewhere.... I know, it sounds cruel but there are plenty of spots around our property to make nests without using the house.

After that there are the Humming birds. There are Calliope and the Rubby Throated around this area. They are mad because I keep forgetting to put the Humming Bird feeders out and they want it. They keep coming to my windows and looking in as though to say..... Hurry up..... we want food!

There are all kinds of Warblers and Sparrows out and around that never show their faces. You only know they are around because of the amount of noise they make. I often wake at 4:30 a.m. for a short while and hear the birds singing outside my window. It is lovely to have windows that open in our house again after so many years of having a house where no windows open. This is my first spring in eight long years where I can experience the lovely songs of the birds and the cool drafts of the breeze through my windows.

My deck is beginning to look lovely as the flowers take hold and start to grow. So with birds galore and flowers in abundance how can I not enjoy the spring. The sun is shining and Jiggs needs her walk so I'm off to enjoy a little walk in the spring morning air.

Get out if you can and smell the roses... or whatever flowers happens to grab you.... check out the birds that are soaring around your home.... time is of the essence!

Embrace The Rain

Rain has a twofold importance this weekend. First of all it will cut down on, 1: drinking and driving yahoos, and what I have been saying all along, 2: dry forest and forest fires.

Finally after lunch, yesterday, Teapot was packed so I took him to the boat launch where he launched his canoe in the pouring down rain. Daughter #1 and I watched him paddle away to catch up with his friends who had passed us only moments before. All we could see through the fairly heavy rainfall were bright red and yellow of raincoats and canoes as they paddled their way to insanity through the torrents of grey rain. We watched till they rounded a bend in the river and then we headed to town.

For us at home, the rain meant that we would be having a May long indoors. We watched movies.... all day. Daughter #1 and I went to the movie rental place so that we could while away the hours of wet in comfort. At about 5 p.m. I realized that the critters would need feeding and Jiggs, who by now was starting to act antsy, needed a walk. I grabbed a fleece jacket and took off down through the bush. Quads have beaten the trails to mud and as I was hauled along by a crazy dog I was sure that at some point the hound would pull me off my feet and I would land on my ass in the mud. I was wearing my ever faithful Dawgs which were not providing a whole lot of coverage for my feet and don't have really good grips. I know that was insane... but within moments my jeans were wet a good twelve inches up, my shoes were squeltching and my hair was soaked and dripping into my eyes. My jacket was the best of it all but I knew it couldn't hold out against the rain indefinitely either. So I did what any good Newfy would do. I embraced the rainy wetness and went with it. Half an hour later of being dragged through the mud, I was wet from head to toe and Jiggs was happy to be heading home. Tootsie, who had braved the elements and the grass that was taller than him, also was happy to see home. I opened the door for Tootsie to go in with Daughter #2 and get towelled dry and then Daughter #1 and I went to do the dirty deed of feeding the sheep and alpacas. Jiggs watched from under the deck because I think she hates rain. We fed the animals quickly, though it did take a good half hour, and all the time the rain did not let up. I wouldn't say it was torrential but it was a good steady hard rain.

We were walking back to the house when we remembered that Dreamer (the horse) had not been fed. We would need to drive to the riding arena to do that. So leaving Jiggs cowering under the deck Daughter #1 and I jumped into the truck and headed off to feed and check the equine. It's Daughter #1's horse... I drive... she feeds....!! I sat in the truck in my wetness and watched through steaming windows as Daughter #1 quickly fed and watered her horse and jumped back into the truck. We headed home to a thoroughly wet hound and hot showers,fluffy towels, and dry clothing. The rest of the evening was uneventful but we sure enjoyed our movies.

The rain kept raining and then somewhere around 3 a.m. it turned off to snow. I'm glad to see that the snow has melted now, but it has been a nasty long weekend and quite honestly I'm not sorry.

Every year for the last several, the weather has been absolutely yuck on the May long. It is not a bad thing. We live in a recreational area so the years when we have not had bad weather there have been accidents and that is a sad thing as every time I hear the sirens going out the highway on the May long someone has died. So all the rain is a good thing because it forces people to stay home instead of drinking and driving and doing stupid things while camping. Besides, all that rain means that my forest.... my ever loving forest, will be lush and green for a while yet when the sun finally shows its face again. So a good Newfoundlander like myself has to just embrace the rain and be glad that I am able to dry myself off again after getting thoroughly wet.

Hope you are having a nice accident free and lush May long too.....

It's Raining, It's Pouring

The old man is... no not snoring..... he's going camping down river today..... and it's pouring, and I mean pouring! We got a day earlier in the week when it rained quite heavily... then we had a day of sun, then yesterday I got up and it was raining again. It hasn't stopped. I'm really glad to see the rain. We desperately needed it. But Teapot is heading down the river today with three idiots..... ooops.... I mean peers from work who go fishing each May long weekend. I expect they'll eat yummies (two of the guys have wives that won't let them eat bacon) and there will be a beverage or two (the same two guys have a real love of good Whisky) and they can talk about fishing flies (you know the yellow whiz fly) to their hearts content. One of the guys is a retired fella and probably won't be around too many more years.... not because he's likely to croak but because his daughter who lives in NZ is about to have her first baby..... their first grandchild and if I know his wife (which I do) she'll be living in NZ once the wee baby is born. So I encouraged Teapot to go along with them and the Daughters and I will spend a lovely weekend enjoying the great indoors, while Teapot gets wet in the pouring down rain. But what's a little rain to Teapot eh!?

Meanwhile the trees which had stopped growing their leaves due to lack of moisture, have suddenly become green and lush. I gotta luv that! The grass is growing and "My Deck" is starting to look awesome again. We have been doing a little work in the garden this year in the evenings. We moved my two lilac trees to just out by the deck so that when they grow they will provide the deck with some beauty.... and a little shelter. I have planted almost all of my planters, and bought two new ones to add to it. I have bought a new fireplace since the rusted bottom was about to fall out of the old one. And Sunday, when Teapot returns, we are going to finally put in the steps for our new front veranda. Then once I finish the big j.c. (which is almost finished) and I get some more work done on level 3, then I will finish painting the deck which I had done 3/4 of last year. I will be able to check off one more job from my renovation list.

House renovations are on my mind these days.... we are 6 weeks away from the end of school and we are starting to think about all the things that need to be done on the house renovation that didn't get finished last year. I have tried really hard not to pester Teapot over the year while he was working at school, but once school ends all bets are off... I'm practicing how to pester without being an old bag, being an olde batt is bad enough. There's a lot to be done .... I look forward to making progress.

But first the rain..... and Teapot..... I guess I'm getting dragged into this whether I want to or not. I will take Teapot to the river with the canoe and his gear, and, no doubt, I will get wet.... still I can't complain.... rain is good... oh how green is everything around me. It's a good feeling to see all that green.