S--ks

Once upon a time a man named Teapot went to his wife and said, "I have no socks. I don't know where all my socks are going but they seem to be disappearing."

The good wife said, "Well dear, Daughter #2 is supposed to be folding laundry and putting it away so perhaps if you ask her where the socks are then she might tell you."

But Daughter #2 said she was folding socks and putting them away as they were washed.

This now meant that there was a mystery afoot. Socks were disappearing at an alarming rate.

The good wife pulled open the washer and looked inside. Then she looked under the bed to see if the socks were hiding under there. Finally she looked in all the sock drawers in the house and couldn't find them anywhere. She scratched her head in consternation and wondered where on earth the socks had disappeared. That's when Daughter #1 came to her and said that all she had in her sock drawer for the last few weeks were odd socks and then only one set (I can't call them a pair since odd socks do not constitute a pair). The poor good wife was feeling very bad that the socks had seemed to disappear and was thinking that everyone blamed her because she had been threatening to burn all socks left in the front porch, or the living room, or the front deck. (Why socks got left on the front deck was beyond her). For days she ruminated over this problem and finally she decided to look in the pile of clothes inhabiting Daughter #2's bedroom floor. It was a terrifically scary job, but she (literally) waded into the it fearlessly (well maybe not fearlessly). After losing herself in the terrible pile of clothes on the floor several times, there were still no leads on the missing socks.

The good wife sat down in consternation and ruminated some more on the problem. Perhaps there was a sock bandit in the house and the socks were being stolen. But then the good wife thought this was totally ridiculous since, who in their right mind would steal used socks. Days went by, and the complaints got complainier as Teapot went out and purchased himself some new socks and Daughter #1 complained that she had been wearing the same socks for weeks. (Peeew!)

It was then that the good wife noticed that Daughter #2 was strangely silent about having no socks. After everyone had departed for school, the good wife stealthily crept into Daughter #2's bedroom, she opened Daughter #2's drawer, and there were, you guessed it, no socks. Deflated, the good wife was just about to leave the bedroom when she decided to open the wardrobe door. Two months worth of clean socks were on the floor of the wardrobe along with placemats and dishtowels and a bunch of unmentionables... all the hot water washing for the last month. The good wife closed the door and quietly left the room.

In anxt, the good wife began to think that perhaps her Daughter #2 might be becoming a strange kleptomaniac. Perhaps she liked to steal the hot water washing because the good wife as a mother might be not such a good mother..... then the good wife's parents arrived and she admitted all her fears to them.

It really was the best idea to inform her parents of her fears because, as good parents who have lived through teenage years before, they were able to set the good wife's mind at ease. "The hot water wash is on the floor of her wardrobe because she doesn't want to match and fold all those finicky socks," they exclaimed.

The good wife sat there with a light bulb turned on.

All day she planned.

Finally, the Daughters arrived via the school bus promptly after school. The good wife waited until Daughter #2 was quietly sitting on her bed reading a delightful library book and then she walked into her room. She asked her Daughter (the sneaky sock avoider) how her day had gone, and while her Daughter #2 was telling her all the things that happened at school the good wife opened the door of the wardrobe and kicked the clean hot water wash out onto the floor in one fell swoop!

Daughter #2 turned red and the good wife threatened to make her wash floors on her hands and knees every day for the next month if ever she stock piled laundered socks or anything else at all again.  The good wife will be doing a wardrobe check each Wednesday. And Teapot and the Daughter #1 are happy with happy feet.

I always hated s--ks and now I know why! I've passed on my s--k hate to Daughter #2... waaaaahhhh!