Some days are really bad days... even still after almost two years. I often sit and wonder why Sir Arsewipe hurt me.... I'm not miserable every day but it just comes up out of nowhere to bight me and throw me into the depths of despair. Most of the times it is when I get really overwhelmed with everything that I have to do.. especially when it comes to caring for my parents. I caught mom yesterday filling the washing machine with a water jug and she was using bought drinking water. Dad is a constant concern with his constant demands to help him... sometimes I just can't take it and I sit in my room feeling sorry for myself. I tell myself that that is ok because I am only human and I do have a horrific amount of pressure on me. I mean the pressure that I have would sink some people but I really just keep ticking along until I have one of those days when I feel overwhelmed and then I wish that I had a soul mate... a help mate... someone who gives a damn. Most of the time I hate Sir Arsewipe with a loathing that you cannot imagine but every so often I just wish the man I married had been everything for which I had given him credit. Some people are just weak though and he is one of them. Cowardly and weak.... sad and pathetic too. I deserved better... I didn't get it. sometimes I just need a slap up the side of the head to remind me that everyone has bad days... including me and that's forgivable. Sometimes I look back and it makes me cry... and when I have shed enough tears and blown my nose till it is quite red I get up off the floor and wash my face and put on some make up and forgive myself my moment of weakness and then I put the hate back where it needs to be and I keep going.
